A Modest Petition

A Modest Petition
by Scott Borchert

President Bush,

The Administration’s current policy towards fighting terror is not working. Cutting the leaves off the proverbial tree will only encourage more to grow back faster, and there is no way to keep up with the kind of malignancy we have seen as of late. A new and sweeping shift in policy is required.

No longer may terrorists be permitted to behave as they do without facing devastating consequences more awful than death, which most of them eagerly embrace. As stated above, fighting the war only on the front lines will get us nowhere, whereas nipping extremism in the bud shall keep our nation and the world safer, and is more efficient, both economically and militarily speaking.

All of this shall be accomplished by stating to the world the following: any nuclear, biological or radioactive attack on U.S. soil shall be met by merciless and precise destruction of the following cities and areas: Mecca, Palestine and the Al-Aqsa Mosque. No grace period shall be granted -- swift and comprehensive obliteration will be the only response to any harm inflicted upon this nation.

Take, for example, this nation’s response to a nuclear attack on New York City or Washington D.C. No time would be wasted asking the question "Which nation or organization did this?" or "Wait, I thought we captured Saddam?" or even "Hey, didn't someone tell Osama to please stop that stuff?" and there would be no need to find the responsible parties, because this new policy would transfer the struggle for self-preservation from our court to the Muslim community. Failure to root out terrorism down to the bedrock will be the burden of all the peoples of Muslim nations and worshippers of Islam; thus all will be held accountable.

This will benefit our national security in many ways: First, it will save us the time and resources required to fight terrorism in piecemeal fashion. There are over 200,000 different terrorist groups (probably), all with hard-to-pronounce names, and all unabashedly Muslim. Why try to discriminate between all of them?

Second, it will put the responsibility of fighting terror in the hands of all Muslims – self-policing will work much better than surveillance from a distance. Plus, it'll seem like we compromised with the Democrats.

Third, and most important, it will remove completely the impetus for attacking this nation, for no zealot would take any kind of fight to a nation that is capable and willing -- nay, excited – to put a mushroom cloud directly in the middle of their religion’s cornerstone. 1,000 virgins for the one responsible for wiping out the Islamic hold on the Promised Land? A swift ride to Heaven for he who second-handedly levels Islam’s most holy site? They’ll figure that one out quick.

We, the undersigned demand the security of this nation be tantamount to any other issues on the Administration’s table, and that the Administration to put this drastic form of deterrence into action and inform the world of our intentions immediately.

Name: Donald Rumsfeld
Signature:

Name:
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