Anti-Immigration Advocates Step Up Protests By Illegally Immigrating To Mexico
                                     by Scott Borchert

Minutemen, the controversial organization dedicated to stemming the tide of illegal immigration into the United States, have opened up a new chapter in their battle to secure the nation's borders by illegally immigrating to Mexico.

The isolationist organization intends to prove that illegal labor constitutes a strain on local and national governments by straining local and national governments with their unwanted presence on both sides of the border.

"I wonder how the Mexicans like it when we swoop down, saturate the market and steal all of their coveted jobs, just out of spite," hypothetically stated Jeb Druber, President of the El Paso chapter. "We'll really show them when we refuse to learn their language."

The influx of minutemen into Mexico has already begun to affect local economies south of the border. Juarez city counsel has already reported a sharp rise in both unemployment and self-righteousness in recent days.

"See what happens when someone comes into town and takes all of your jobs, which you would hypothetically have had to take away if Mexico's economy were booming like America's?" said displaced protester Chuck Farrell of Mobile, AL. "If there had been any jobs here [in Juarez] to begin with, then we would definitely have absorbed them all by now, so you see that immigration is just a dead-end."

Farrell later added to reporters, "Incidentally, can you spare a peso? Work is hard to find in these parts, and my stomach is growling."

Some radical protestors locked themselves in unventilated trailers just across the border, and died of asphyxiation and suffocation while holding protest signs that read, "How do you like it?!" and, "Keep Us Out Of Your Country."

Analysts have yet to decide whether or not the protests will be efficacious, but have unanimously agreed that it's good to see the Minutemen go.

"What they have failed to accomplish on this side of the border, they are now doing with resounding success south of the Rio Grande: namely, looking for real jobs and minding their own business," said Tim Osborn, spokesperson for Citizenship and Immigration Services. "This is sure to make many Mexicans change their minds about seeking a better life in another country when they see what how hard it is for immigrants to find employment in a harsh land where foreigners are resented, and the citizenry feels entitled to every available job, even the ones they don't want."

Just as Congress passed legislation that paves the way for 11 million immigrants to apply for citizenship without first having to return home, many Minutemen responded by simultaneously quitting their jobs to focus on preventing additional immigrants from slipping across the border, while complaining that the jobs they left behind are going to the immigrants they didn't catch.

"If there weren't so darned many Mexicans coming into America, we wouldn't have to quit our occupations to stop them, which only encourages more of them to try to infiltrate this country and steal more jobs," said Dale Wernhart of Davenport, IA. "Not that I would personally be caught dead picking strawberries, or working out in the fields, but legal Americans should still have first dibs."

Emphasizing the need to stem illegal immigration for patriotic reasons, Werhart continued: "Just think what would happen to this nation if jobs went to the folks that actually need them. Us nationalized citizens whose ancestors did all the heavy lifting to get us to where we are now are getting a bad rep from all the wetbacks who come into this country and work their fingers to the bone to feed their starving families. Talk about the ultimate in selfishness and exploitation of the system."

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