Becoming Politically Involved: What Can You Do?
                                     by Josh Righter

The debate over WMD, recent questionable tax cuts, an upcoming election -- now more than ever, politics in America are heating up. But you've been using your summer to lay around and read pointless satirical news websites, and now you're afraid you won't be able to keep up with your neighbours in discussions concerning politics. Don't fret! The EV has some easy-to-follow advice to give you the sharpest political IQ on the block.

- Support the communist party
Although attacked by many in the past, the communist party today is a relatively popular organization for you to support, and is fairly easy to understand.

- Have affair
Many real-life politicians often engage in well-publicized scandalous affairs with an intern or secretary. Mimic their activities to get inside their heads.

- Talk loudly
No matter what you say in a political discussion, it will sound much more impressive if you're on the verge of shouting disagreeably, even if you're in complete agreement of what was just said.

- Tell others you would vote, but the ballots are too confusing
The election of 2000 is still a heavy memory in the minds of many, and this statement will remind them of how hard it was to figure out just who in the hell they were voting for when they made their mark on the ballot.

- Watch "Legally Blonde 2"
The charming tale of a silly, blonde woman who softens the hearts of old nasty politicians with her can-do attitude and bright smile is just what you need to figure out the complex inner-workings of Congress.

- Obtain bumper sticker reading, "I love to talk about things"
This will let other drivers know that you are ready and willing to discuss important political matters.

- Listen to political music, such as Kiss
Knowing where you stand on partying every day will send a strong message to others about your party (no pun intended!) orientation.

- Obtain eyeglasses
This will make you appear more knowledgeable than you really are. If you already own eyeglasses, break them, then buy new ones.

- Tell others you can't be blamed, because you voted for the other guy
If asked who the other guy was, explain that you can't talk at the moment due to a debilitating vocal condition.

- Not write your Senator or Congressman
This is a foolish and pointless endeavor that never makes anything significant happen. Never do this.

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