Bush Considers "Anti-Faggot" Bill

Bush Considers "Anti-Faggot" Bill
by Josh Righter

Earlier this morning, sources reported that President Bush is currently investigating the possibility of attempting to pass an "Anti-Faggot" Bill before the end of the year, hot on the heels of earlier indications that he was considering passing legislation that would allow certain religious-based groups to actively practice discrimination against homosexuals when hiring and/or recruiting members.

The reports came in light of a press conference held yesterday evening, when Bush apparently made some remarks that were indicative of his feelings towards homosexuals, and of the proposed bill as well.

"You see," slurred a drunk-as-usual Bush, leaning heavily on the podium for balance, "the thing about homosexuals – or faggots, as we Texans call ‘em – is that they’re stupid, and gay. Gay, gay, gay. And if there’s anything I hate, it’s wildlife. Followed by gays."

The president’s comments, made all the more conspicuous by the fact that the meeting was actually supposed to be concerning foreign policy, progressed even further as he began speculating about the possibility of a bill.

"They oughta make some kinda law against god damn faggots," Bush mused. "They could call it the ‘Anti-Faggot’ law, and it would be like, if you see a little fairy queer, you could punch him in the face."

It is expected that as soon as the president realizes that he has the power to create such a bill, he will begin taking the necessary steps for doing so.

Bush then opened the floor to questions.

"What in the hell is Russia?" Bush roared in response to one query. "I don’t know, and I don’t care if they don’t like us going against some dumbass treaty. I’m talking about queers here, but I guess you don’t know how to listen, you faggot."

It is expected that Bush will issue several retractions throughout the course of the next few days, as he slowly regains his soberness. But will the proposed bill be amongst them? Early indications point to no.

"Although Mr. Bush has been known to make derogatory comments against various groups of people while intoxicated, he does have strong feelings against homosexuals regardless of his blood-alcohol level," commented vice president Dick Cheney. "I suspect that we very well may see the beginnings of the ‘Anti-Faggot’ Bill before my next heart attack."

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