Over the years, we've had a variety of guest columnists write editorials for the Enduring Vision, expressing their sentiments on everything from raising children to proper gothic behavior. Their thoughts completely represent the views of The Enduring Vision and its subsidiaries.

51 Cent
After The Ninth Time I Was Shot, I Began To Reconsider My Choices
I Am Growing Significantly Weary Of These Bitches
The Life Of A Crack-Cocaine Dealer Is An Oft-Beleaguered One
Perhaps I Shall Extend My Talents Into The Rapping World
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Druggie's Life For Me
I Am Delighted That People Are Dying Because Of Me

Bill Anonymous
Felons Need Love, Too

Darren Small
Birds, Toads, Eat My Wood Shavings Jelly
Kissing A Goblet Of Drywall
Don't Take My Doorknob To Blue Disks
I Almost Got Out, But Printer Ports And Sex Muffins
I Love Sending Sandwiches
It's A Bee...But Is It Electrical?

Frank Patriot
Music, Shmusic
The Metric System Is For Foreign Assholes
We Can Fix Iraq Like We Fixed Japan
News Reporters: Get Over Iraq, The War Is Over
John Kerry Is Osama Bin Laden's Twin Brother
Christmas Wins
The FCC Should Be Monitoring This Article
Terri Schiavo Will Be The Death Of Me
This Judge And Harry Potter Sure Came In The Nick Of Time
God Damnit, Harriet Miers
Now Is The Time To Invade Canada
President Bush's Oval Address: Frank Patriot's Analysis
I Miss The Good Old Days When Smoking Was Good For You
What Part Of "Never Forget" Don't You Understand?
There Should Be 30 Americans, Not 300 Million
Giving Democrats The House And Senate: Good Strategy, Mr. Bush

Future Dictionary Man
The Adventures Of Future Dictionary Man, Volume I

Gerald William Bunson
Darn It, I Knew I Should've Slept Last Night
Maybe The Cops Would Have Stopped Beating Me If I'd Have Stayed Down
If I Hear That Darn U2 Song Again I'm Buying An iPod
I'm A Self-Abusive Cokehead -- Why Am I Not Famous?
I've Really Got To Make Less Time For God In My Life
Black People Make Me Nervous
I Need To Spend Less Money On Food
Asking "What Would Jesus Do" Is Kind Of Moot At This Point
I Can't Believe I'm Writing The DVD Description For PussyFest 9
I Hope My Future Boss Isn't Reading This
This Job Is Ruining My Creativity Like A Bat Out Of Hell

Goth Gary
The Real Goth
Goth Gary On How To Pick Up Chicks
Self Defense With Goth Gary
Breaking Your Gothicity To Your Parents
How To Properly Cast Spells
Going To Prom With Goth Gary

Harold Hippie
Why Can't We Just Love Everyone?
Bugs And Weeds Are Living Things, Too
Drinking Milk Hurts Cows Somehow
The Enduring Vision Is Destroying The Planet
It's Time We Give Lettuce The Respect It Deserves
Animals Hate Everything We Do
It's A Good Thing Mr. Cheney Shot His Friend And Not That Quail
I Would Use Deodorant If It Didn't Kill Animals Or Deplete The Ozone

Harswil Manchester III, Esquire
I Am Properly Horrified At The Lack Of Dignity Everywhere
A Restaurant Table Is No Place For A Dirty Grain Of Salt
Large Balls Crashing Through Windows Are Quite Unexpected
Animals Should Not Defecate In Public
Grocery Stores Do Not Charge Nearly Enough Money
That Confounded Maid Will Be The Death Of Me
My Eardrummeries Have Been Damaged Beyond Repair

Jane Kurowitz
Sorry I'm Not A Man
Martha Stewart Would've Gotten Off If She Was A Man
Where Are The Women Presidential Candidates? Oh Yeah, The Men Ate Them
I Was A Man For Halloween This Year
Females Snubbed Again In Best Actor Category

John Evans
Excuse Me, Can I Get Some Face Time With Your Ass?
Did You Notice That I Haven't Stopped By Your Desk Since Yesterday?

John Kerry
How About John Kerry For A Presidential Candidate?

John Smith
Scientologists Aren't Crazy, You Just Need More Money

Mark Ciara
Thank You, Lord, For This Wonderful Parking Spot

Mitch Ciara
Shut The Fuck Up While I Teach You About God

Nancy Normal
That Was A Pretty Good Trip To The Grocery Store
I Couldn't Decide Between The Better-Smelling Spray And The Bonus Buy Spray
Getting A Good Parking Space Is Darned Hard
Super Target To The Rescue!
Supporting The Troops Takes So Much Work These Days
I Was Expecting A Commemorative Hurricane Katrina Tote Bag For My Generous Donation
I'm Voting For Whoever Fixes Traffic And Makes Milk Cheaper

Pete Dunson
I'm Not A Rage-aholic, Some Things Just Make Me Mad
A Pete Dunson Christmas
The Best Valentine's Day Ever
Autumn Beauty With Pete Dunson
April Fool's Analysis
A Father's Day To Remember
Never, Ever, Ever Pass Me On The Turnpike
My Computer Is Too God Damned Slow
I Am Going To Murder Brian Albers/Fuck You, Pete Dunson
I Am Not Dressing Up In A God Damned Bunny Suit
The Fourth Of July Is Not About Fucking Fireworks
I Will Not Be Celebrating Halloween Any God Damned More
I Will Not Be Outdone On Valentine's Day By Jim From The Fucking Plant
Spring Has Sprung, Assholes
Don't Go Through The Drive-Thru If You're Going To Take All Fucking Day
Shove Your Christmas Cheer Up Your Shit Ass Fuck
Where Is My Fucking Memorial You Shits
Don't Disagree With Me On The Internet

Randall Moore
Guns Are A Human Right
Guns Can Be Used For Other Things Besides Shooting
I Will Make A Law To Marry My Gun
Let's Put Guns Back In Our Nation's Schools
The Superbowl Would Be Much Better With Guns
I've Just Been Shot With A Magnificent Gun

Robert0936475
Journal Of Robert0936475
Journal Of Robert0936475, Part II
Journal Of Robert0936475, Part III
Journal Of Robert0936475, Part IV

Robert Sarn
I Ought To Kick Your Ass
There Are No Real Men Left In The World

Rufus Manson Einstein III
You Don't Have To Be Dumb, You Don't Have To Be Dead

Scott "The Party" Morgan
It's Not A Party Until Someone Is Comatose
Working Is For Losers And Not Boozers
My Penis Must Be A Genius
It's Time To Bring The Party To North Korea
New Orleans Needs A Party

Selected Serious Editorials
Hamas Election Not That Bad

Your Lover, Ted
Re: hey
Love Me, Leslie Devertergrass
Just Love Me For Who I Eventually Will Be
I Want To Kill You (In A Romantic Sense)

Your Mom and Dad
You Have Elected The Way Of Poo

Gentleman Brock of Studio8.net
A Gentleman Declines A Favor And Alienates His Friends And Readers

Multiple Characters
EV Characters Comment On 100th Issue

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