Doing Well In School: What Can You Do?

Doing Well In School: What Can You Do?
by Josh Righter

Many of our readers have been back in school for a few weeks now, and whether you attend high school, college, or the classes you are forced to attend in juvenile hall, there’s no question that this is the time when the workload really starts to kick into high gear. But don’t drop out just yet, because The Enduring Vision has a few suggestions that might ease those back-to-school blues.

- Raise hand to answer every question asked
Do this even if you don’t know the answer. The teacher will love your effort, and you’ll be admired by peers, as well.

- Bring teacher fake plastic apple to teach him or her a lesson
After being fooled by your false nutritional snack, your teacher will realize that you are much, much smarter than him or her, and will not bother you anymore.

- Use own blood to write papers
Everyone has a computer, but it takes some real effort and originality to write a five page essay with a puncture wound on your finger. Watch out for your body’s attempts to heal the wound.

- Explain that your nickname is “Mr. Einstein”
Even if this is not your real last name or nickname, the teacher will recognize the name of the smartest man who ever lived, and will grade you appropriately.

- Watch “Billy Madison”
The hilarious story of a wacky kid who must redo his entire school career to win his father’s respect will inspire you to do well in your studies. If your father is already proud of you, do something to shame him.

- Pray before test-taking
God cares a great deal about the results of your test, and may bless you with a good grade if you pray. If you pray and still receive a bad grade, you probably have angered God in some way. Try cutting yourself for atonement.

- Announce to the class that you have a large penis
If you have a male teacher, he will be forced into shameful submission to you; if you teacher is a woman, her instant attraction to your crotch will guarantee you good grades. Females can also use this tactic to create a frightened confusion that could lead to good grades.

- Skip school to get up to a bit of the old ultra-violence with your Droogs
Just don’t get caught by the nasty truancy officer, who will grab your genitals in an effort to knock some sense into you.

- Hack into school’s computers to alter your grades like in War Games
All high schools foolishly keep student’s grades on a network that can be hacked into externally.

- Say wisely to teacher, “It looks like the student has become the teacher.”
After saying this, your teacher will realize that you have taught him or her a lesson more important than school: a lesson about life.

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