Equal Rights Activists Demand Fair Treatment For Nazis
                                     by Josh Righter

Though the field of equal rights is generally considered to have come along way over the years, with African Americans, women, and other often-discriminated-against groups gaining considerable progress, one equal rights faction is dedicated to ensuring that one particular group gets equal rights treatment that is "long overdue".

"Nazis have been discriminated against for far too long!" shouted Martin Terrance, leader of the White Men for the Equal Treatment of Nazis in America, at a rally this past Saturday. "For over 60 years, Nazis have had to suffer hatred from almost every member of not only this country, but the entire world. But I come before you today to ask you, my brothers: isn't it time that we give the Nazis the same respect we give everyone else?"

According to Terrance, Nazis are subjected to extreme levels of discrimination in almost all aspects of daily life.

"It is almost impossible to live your life in this country as a normal citizen if you are a Nazi!" he said incredulously."People will spit on your face, call you hateful names, and yes, even refuse to give you a job! We won't stand for this type of discrimination with the blacks or the Jews...so why not the Nazis?"

Terrance then invited Fritz Heinhold, a Nazi, up on stage with him to detail a "normal day" in his life.

"It's...really tough," Heinhold said, clearly holding back tears. "Everywhere I go, I hear hateful comments about me and my beliefs. Just because I have a jacket with a giant swastika on the back doesn't make me any less of a human being!"

Above: Anti-Nazi material such as this "really hurts our feelings", according to Nazi Fritz Heinhold.

Terrance agreed, and compared the swastika to other symbols of schools of belief.

"Christians are not allowed to be persecuted if they have a cross sewn on their jacket, or an 'I Love Jesus' bumper sticker," he reasoned. "But show them a swastika or a bumper sticker reading 'I remember Auschwitz...from the point of view of a Nazi', and suddenly people have a license to discriminate and hate."

"If that's not backwards," he added ominously, "then I don't know what is."

Terrance and his group had their share of protesters throughout the day, including a group called the Surviving Holocaust Jews Against Nazis. But the self-described "fearless leader" said such attempts to thwart his message are "useless and dumb."

"Trying to take attention away from us and our cause with lies like the Holocaust is an underhanded, ineffectual tactic," he snorted. "What's next, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny?"

But though Terrance's group has its share of detractors, Nazis across the country expressed their gratitude for the cause when questioned by the Enduring Vision.

"I just love what these wonderful people are doing for us," a tearful man said with a smile. "It's about time someone stands up for the rights of Nazis."

"I woke up the other day to find my garage had been spray-painted with the message, 'Take your fucking hate crimes somewhere else, skinhead,'" said New Yorker Jim Hurill, a known skinhead, with anguish. "It's good to know that somewhere out there, there are people ready to fight against senseless hate crimes like that."

"Uh...does Terrance and his group know, you know, what the Nazis have done in the past?" asked one Florida Nazi, who asked to remain anonymous, tentatively. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for the effort, but I can't help but feel like they really shouldn't be doing all of this for us. You know, because of the whole genocide thing."

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