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by Future Dictionary Man
Future
Dictionary Man: Where am I? I can't see... I'm Future Dictionary
Man, and I was just fighting my foes LanguageEvo and the Sock Muppets,
when there was a brilliant blast of light and I was sent... here. Where
is here? The walls, the walls are sticky and yet there is that slight
smell of... something sweet? Oh well, I am Future Dictionary Man, and
I know one thing: Future Definitions. As a protective litany, I will
begin my chant:
Livejournal: n. an extremely clever method of pain-inducement in the early 21st century. Here, you could learn about parties you weren't invited to, and ex-lovers' boyfriends.
[In the distance, footsteps approach...]
Future Encyclopedia Man: [enters] Stop! You're taking my job!
Future Dictionary Man: Future Encyclopedia Man? What are you doing here?
Future Encyclopedia Man: [looking at his feet] I...don't...know. There was a brilliant blast of light and I... just ended up here.
Future Dictionary Man: Buck up, Future Encyclopedia Man. We can work together.
Future Encyclopedia Man: Okay.
Future Dictionary Man: Okay, here goes:
child: n. a way to take up space, kind of like pissing on the ground in the open air.
Future Encyclopedia Man: Christ! What is wrong with you?
Future Dictionary Man: I'm just defining, baby.
Future Encyclopedia Man: You're nihilistic, is what you are. You say "Buck up," but what you really mean is, "Only my own morbidity is allowed." You're nihilistic.
Future Dictionary Man: I don't what that means.
Future Encyclopedia Man: You're Future Dictionary Man! C'mon.
Future Dictionary Man: Yes, Future Dictionary Man. That word is in not my futuristic database.
Future Encyclopedia Man: Oh. Okay.
Future Dictionary Man: Ahem:
Future Encyclopedia Man: n. a flabby way of taking up space, full of information outdated before it is even in use, a canker, a sore, an infestation.
Future Encyclopedia Man: Fuck you!
Future Dictionary Man: [looking at feet] I'm really lonely. I lash out. It's the way I express my feelings.
Future Encyclopedia Man: I'm not dealing with this anymore. [marches away] Ewww! The wall! It's so sticky and slimy! Where are we?
Future Dictionary Man: Perhaps your mother's pussy?
Future Encyclopedia Man: Shut up, Future Dictionary Man. I will rip you limb from limb. If. You. Say. Another. Goddamn. Word. So shut your mouth!
[pause]
Future Encyclopedia Man: Shut it!
Future Dictionary Man: Okay, it's shut.
Future Encyclopedia Man: What did I tell you?! Huh? [charges him]
[tumbling in the darkness, fighting]
[Future Encyclopedia Man gives a cry as he dies, in pain]
Future Dictionary Man: Goodbye, sweet Future Encyclopedia Man. May angels of mercy take you to better things. You were the noblest Future Man of them all.
[Future Dictionary Man sits and meditates in the darkness]
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