The Enduring Vision Is Destroying The Planet
                                     by Harold Hippie

Dudes, ladies, Animals, Plantlife, and Microscopic Bacteria friends, I love laughing as much as the next man/woman/animal/plant/flesh eating virus. Laughing is, like, the soul coming up in your throat and saying, "Hey, man. Yeah, I'm still here, buried somewhere under your 100 million work-a-day life that you hate even if you think you don't. I know you forgot about me, but I didn't forget about you, even when you drove past that nice-looking long-haired gentleman on the highway who just wanted to stop and talk to you about Carbon Pollutants destroying the atmosphere, and instead went home to your wife who was like, 'Hey honey, here's dinner, isn't life great?' and you were like, 'It sure is honey, and I love you,' but then you killed yourself because it secretly wasn't.'"

Wait, what?

What I mean is, I love to laugh, and The Enduring Vision occasionally helps me succeed in that particular endeavor, particularly after I've become acquainted with a new peace pipe (that reminds me, the place I buy them at might be shut down by The Man, because apparently they sell "drug paraphernalia", which totally isn't true because the pipes are only for novelty purposes, like how I use them, only with marijuana instead of novelty). But the laughter hides a seriously uncool byproduct that The Enduring Vision produces: pollution. Like, the kind that kills the Earth.

Think about it. Think about how many chickens have to run on conveyor belts to provide the electricity to power the servitrons that The Enduring Vision requires to be visible on the Internet at all times. It's probably seriously like 900 chickens. And that's 1000 chickens too many.

Or how about this little nugget of information: all the toxic waste The Enduring Vision produces as a byproduct of its news stories gets directly dumped into the ocean. Yup, the next time you find a fish floating upside down in the water and part of its head is bitten off, you can thank toxic waste for that. Put that in your peace pipe and smoke it. I guarantee you it'll be a terrible high, because it will be made out of toxic waste, which I personally have never tried, but my friend Jimbo says he thinks he can get us some for next week, so I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Believe me, Friends Of The Blue Planet, I've tried to tell people about this planet-harming...harm. I campaigned outside the houses of Enduring Vision staff members, screaming tricky slogans like "Enduring Vision Has A Bad Mission," but they always managed to get their pig cop friends to arrest me before I could really free anyone's mind. You know the saying: "The man is always in on everything bad including polluting the Earth." I wouldn't be surprised if the cops drove cars that are gasoline powered. Yeah, they're that corrupt.

When stopping the pollution at its source didn't work, I tried to at least save the creatures that The Evil Vision was harming. Like last week, when I rode my bike down to the lake and waded through the shallow parts, trying to grab the fish with my hands. Those little guys are much smarter than everyone gives them credit for though, since they always managed to stay away from me, not trusting me because I'm a dirty human. I don't blame them, after I saw people on the bank who were actually trying to impale them on hooks.

"Those fish weren't put there specifically for you, man!" I shouted at them, while simultaneously respecting their life choice because in its own way it's beautiful. "This is nature's land and nature's creatures!"

"This is a man-made lake!" one of them told me, parroting the man's lies back to me like some kind of reliable parrot. "And it's stocked with fish by the gaming commission!"

But this isn't about fish, or parrots. It's about The Enduring Vision killing those two animals, and plenty more. I hope when you're tempted to read it, you'll think of all of the dolphins who get stuck in their humor-catching ocean nets, and instead read something like CNN.

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