The New SATs Could Practically Ruin Me
                                     by Alyssa Snodgrass

I was nervous enough about the SATs, but have you heard? They went and added in this new essay section! And a harder math section, too! I really feel as if society is demanding too much from a high school student, here.

I mean, this is almost something that could impact my future! Can you imagine my father going out on his annual yachting trip with some of the guys on the Yale Admissions Board, and them setting up my entrance into the college, and him having to tell them that I actually got a pretty low SAT score, and them shrugging and laughing? Can you imagine how bad my father could potentially feel, if he wasn't liquored up on mint juleps? The shame that I could theoretically bring to my family is just potentially too great to even think about!

Of course, there's my own social circle to think about, too. It's not like any of my friends actually cares about what I get, of course. But what if they did? What if a low SAT score was the same as showing up for class in a really ugly outfit, or your dad forgetting to give you his gas card the night you're shopping down in the city? God, how ruined I'd be! How ashamed! Just because I didn't write a coherent essay, I could become a social outcast for life, assuming my life was like this scenario I just described!

Jeez, what kind of pretend pressure is this to put on an 18 year-old? Don't they know how hard it is to be a teenager already, with Mom and Dad forcing you to go out to the same six restaurants with them every single month, or having to go a night without the car while the scary-looking Mexican guy from the garage looks at it (probably sniffing your perfume off the seat the whole time)? It's like, thanks a lot!

This is almost enough to make me have my father tell his secretary to call somebody. I can't afford this kind of pseudo-stress...what if I get a zit? Well, I'll get it lasered off and covered over with plastic surgery, that's what. And that's annoying!

Goodbye, Good Future
                                     by Jane McArlen

I'm not so good with math, so when I heard that they were making the math part of the SATs even harder, I got pretty scared. I'm trying to be brave, but I can't help but feel like this is going to hurt me bad in the future.

I mean, I suppose I could always study in between shifts at the grocery store, and even on my break instead of eating, but I don't know if that'll be enough, and I wouldn't want them to get mad at me and dock my pay, because my Mom really needs that money. I drew myself a tutor on a piece of cardboard that I found on the way home one day, but so far Cory Cardboard has not been very helpful. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I haven't improved at all! Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm paying him pieces of rubber band for, anyway.

And ugh, my writing. There's an essay on the test now, and Cory only does math. So if I want help on strengthening my writing, my only choice, due to my packed schedule that includes four jobs and falling prey to the drugs and violence that constantly surround me in my urban neighborhood, is Jimmy The Crack Dealer, who they say used to be friends with Kurt Vonnegut, before the crack and everything. He's okay, but he vomits on my papers a lot, and once last week he pulled me aside and told me the squirrels were very disappointed in me. If only my old best-friend-crack dealer, 51 Cent, was still around. He could've helped me write an essay better than a John Grisham novel!

My GPA is pretty good, though, so maybe that can be my fall-back. There are plenty of pretty good schools that I could still get into with a decent GPA and a low SAT score, and I'd probably qualify for a full scholarship to all of them, right? I mean, I'm white, but I still figure I've got a good chance. They don't call this the land of opportunity and equality for nothing!

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