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by Alex Thobaben
Recently, the Enduring Vision was granted the honour of interviewing Pope John Paul II, where he spoke to us on everything from the Crusades to homosexuality. It is with great pleasure that we bring you the transcript of our interview below.
The
Enduring Vision: Wow! The Pope! Leader of one the largest religions
in the world! What's up, bitch?
Pope John Paul II: Word...
EV: So, tell us: that whole "Crusades" thing...the Catholic
church started that... right?
JP: Well, I like to think that it's because of the homosexuals.
EV:
Right, but it was the church who sent armies that killed countless innocent
people, correct?
JP: Well, three things. First...yes, we sent those armies. Second,
I did count them, by the way. It was 25,834 people. And third,
it was the homosexuals that did it.
EV: It seems you have something against homosexuals.
JP: It's not the homosexuality that the church really has anything
against, it's just the "having sex with other men" thing.
EV: What exactly is your stance on gays, then?
JP: Well, the Bible says, "Thou shall not lay with another
man as you lay with a woman", or something like that. So obviously,
the message there is that all gays are going to hell, and that you should
kill them.
EV: Interesting. How do you feel about the African Americans?
JP: ...the gay ones?
EV: In general.
JP: Oh. [Laughs] Yeah, they are okay. Just as good as anyone else,
I guess...unless they are homosexual, of course.
EV: Of course...
JP: Hey, are you homosexual?
EV: Erg...no. Why? Do I seem so?
JP: Yes. Yes, you do.
EV: Well, no! I'm all about the beaver! Personally, I don't see
anything wrong with homosexuality, but--
JP: Ah! So you are gay! You faggot!
EV: No, I just...anyway, what do you think of the upcoming completion
of the Human Gnome Project that will drastically alter our view of what
makes man, man?
JP: Gnome? Is that a rapper? I don't listen to hip-hop, my boy.
I'm all for soft rock, and maybe some 80's hair bands if I'm feeling
rebelious.
EV: Pope...what is two times six?
JP: Is that a homosexual question? Fuck you!
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