Back from the hiatus with some of your thoughts, although there were a bit less than I would've expected for three consecutive weeks of absence. Don't you love us anymore?

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i totally agree with pete! my motherfucking shit ass comp is fucking slow too! it so fucking pisses me off! makes me wanna shove it up that persons ass whoever made made this shit! - One of you

Josh: We should totally send a letter to Dell or Gateway to get them to stop making slow computers.

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Reading an Enduring Vision WCYD Article: What Can You Do?

Urinate on self and others around you from laughing so hard. This allows them to understand your deep amusement and fondness for the WCYD articles. - Rebecca

Josh: Awwww.

Congratulations, dude!

Thanks for the compliments!

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I take offense to the fact that some people hate the reality that we (EV letter writers) are capable of writing "literate and intelligible" letters. It's not MY fault that I was born smarter than other people, okay! You bunch of ignoramuses stop hating! Oh yeah, EV, I liked it better when there was a lack of "pretty" writing on everything. It's bad when a female makes this type of comment. Thought you ought to know. - Sofia

Josh: I'm interested in hearing about this "pretty" writing. I've always known that the things we write are beautiful creations, of course, but this is the first I've heard of their beauty harming them. Are you a hater?!

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Yes, television can be used in a variety of ways. However, I think that the list is severely limited - much more limited than we think. Film is kinesthetic - thus it's advantages are in those things that are uniquely kinesthetic. Sporting events, demonstrating the difference between the flight of a hawk and the flight of the sparrow - it's rather hard to do these things with words.

With all due respect to your mother's parenting decisions, I don't think it matters one bit if you knew your colors and numbers before you went to kindergarten. There is an unhealthy obsession in parenting to turn your kids into geniusses before they're four. I don't think kids are going to be any smarter today than they were a hundred years ago because we have television. Furthermore, exposing your chilren to television at a young age probably hinders their ability to think deeply and intensely about important things. In terms of learning, television and the printed words/orality are at odds. Television teaches you to absorb information, not to process it, understand it, or analyze it. It is designed to hold your attention, not to fix it. You can't stare at a moving picture the way you can stare at a page in a book. You can't dialogue with film the way you can dialogue with an author.

Think about the Lincoln-Douglass Debates in the mid 19th century. These two guys expected the public (NOT literary elites, but regular old people) to follow a seven-hour debate filled with complex argument and rhetoric. And people did. And it wasn't even a Presidential race. Compare that to the televised Presidential 'debates' we have now. Obviously it would be foolish of me to pretend that this correlation implies causation, but I think we can point to the huge acceleration of the use of film as one of the primary reasons for our loss of attention and critical reason.

As for your comment on the lowest common denominator, you are right on that one. Television is very popular. So is film. So the programs (news and otherwise) we are get are designed to get you to keep watching. They don't promote serious reflection on important issues. They have one motive - to get you to tune in tomorrow. Now I'm not saying that all the anchors, reporters, etc. have abandoned the quest for truth, but the medium through which they are attempting to relay that truth is fundamentally flawed. I'm not even sure that serious reflection on major events is even possible several weeks or months or even years after they happen. But that's another matter altogether. - JZB

Josh: I think you're operating too much on assumptions and vague allusions at this point. Television "probably" hinders the ability of children to think about "important things"? I'm not sure there's any way for me to respond to something like that, other than with an equal amount of conjecture and ambiguity, which I think wouldn't "resolve" anything.

I'd also take exception to some of your assertions. For example, I don't understand the difference between a child being taught to count from a television program or orally from a teacher or reading it from a book -- the end result is the same in all cases (and I don't think wanting your child to be prepared for school by knowing basic counting skills qualifies as wanting him/her to be a genius). Certainly television cannot replace traditional teaching methods, but I don't think most people are suggesting that -- and if they are, I'm not. It is a useful augmentation, just as drawings or charts on an overhead are. I'd also argue that you certainly can dialogue with film the way you can with an author; I've come out of many movies and even a few television shows thinking and contemplating the issues and themes presented, just as I do after reading a good book. Such films and television shows are in the minority, of course, but then again, isn't it the same with literature?

I am not trying to argue that television is an absolute good or turn this into a debate on why you should or shouldn't watch television, which is what I'm afraid it's slipping into. Television unquestionably has its negative attributes (which is why I wrote the editorial that spawned this debate in the first place), and I would agree that it is almost solely responsible for the emphasis on style over substance we see in areas like politics today. But you seem to be taking these negatives to imply that the medium on the whole is of little value, and even detrimental to our society, which is something I can't agree with given its merits. I think television has often been used, as all tools can be and many tools are, in a very negative fashion by our society, but that's hardly the fault of the tool itself.

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BREAKING: EV Production Halted As Righter Goes Missing

By far the best article in years. Keep up the good work, Scott. Maybe Josh should escape to Yugoslavia/Take Finals/Go on ten day long sex binges more often - Reader Since Day...well year 1

Josh: The compliments are appreciated, but actually, Scott only wrote the three paragraphs that appeared on the main page for that story -- the MSNBC section was done by me. And by "me", I mean one of the writers at MSNBC. I couldn't have written a story about my own self being missing, of course.

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two elves...one cookie..st paul,mn
make sure mccann/ is my angel a - rob

Josh: And if cookies aren't good for you, then why do they make them taste so good? Damn scientists.

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We have Josh Righter and will circumsize him unless we receive $5000 and assurances that the satire on this fucking site will improve considerably. The naiive perspective and lack of seriously insulting dialog has started to take it's toll and we're not gong to take it anymore. To show you we mean business we'll send you a snippet of foreskin from Josh's....uh. oh....well, scratch all that shit. I guess that was all there was to it, eh? Damn, Dude, ever heard of male enhacement? OK, we'll send him back to you...but don't let him write anymore. - El Jihad Defense League Underground

Josh: Actually, as the thousands of female EV fans who have visited me will attest, my phallus is statistically the largest one in the continental United States, excluding this one guy in Arkansas who does these exercises or some shit. Everything else in this letter is true, though.

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I am dying to know the name of the poet who said "its not whether you win or lose but how you play the game" Can you help me please? - Christopher

Josh: I believe his name was "A. Loser". That's right folks, where do I get this stuff?

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"Jason Varswink, editor-in-chief of the unpopular and obscure satirical website The Onion"

haha - I like it. - EV is better anyway

Josh: Sweet, thanks! You hear that, Onion? You're done for!

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RE: Doritos/ MY VANISHING PRODUCTS!!!!

I am so tired of the "vanishing products."
ALL of the goodies - you know:

Suave Baby Lotion (Smelled like a true baby should)
TACO flavored Doritos - THE FIRST REAL Dorito with flavor, first born BEFORE the Spicy Kick, Zesty Pesty or whatever it is out there now - I will admit, I do like Cool Ranch, but one shouldn't favor one child - - uh - - I mean -- chip over another.

TACO was here first. (Well - after the regular Dorito corn chip)

OH - And I don't mind Mr. "Chef Boy R.D." overstuffing his raviolis, but I am on the verge of a panic attack - - to think that the NORMAL raviolies that were HERE FIRST are going to retire because they are not STUFFED ENOUGH for everyone - GOD I love the sauce !!!!!

And the KRAFT spaghettie DELUX DINNER that comes with the cheese and sauce already in the box - PLEASE don't take it away like you did my SAFEWAY BRAND PARTY ONION DIP - only the best onion dip IN THE UNIVERSE in it's cute little purple and white container, not hurting anybody.

What's next???

And, where is my green shampoo that use to have the chic with long hair on the front with all those birds and butterflies circling around her - you know - the cartoon chic. She looked like a hippie I guess. I loved that shampoo. PLEASE DON'T TAKE PRELL !!!!!!!

[about 20 minutes later...- Ed.]

Is it strange to anyone else that the world's most famous "pecker" just happens to be "Woody?"

I will admit, this story really ruffled my feathers. I was hoping to see some interesting garbage - uh -- I mean - - NEWS!!!!

I don't know what is more exciting - the discovery of this bird or the butterfly exhibit I went to over the weekend !!! YIKES!

Oh well - My kids love to waste my time with birds and butterflies - - that's all that really counts!!!! Gotta love em !!!!!! - Tina

Josh: If this isn't Fannie Beenerface from Studio 8, I'll eat my hat*.

*My delicious chocolate hat.

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This is such a fake interview. - Brianna

Josh: Actually, unlike almost everything else on our webpage, our interviews are all completely real. Sorry to disappoint you.

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To the Dumb sack of shit that wrote this article: This is exactly the type of illiterate, bible thumping bullshit I would expect from a Bush Lover. Moore says what he says Because he loves America, and wants to get rid of the Cancers that eat away at it. Yeah he's fat, but if that's the best damn argument you've
got, then you can shut the fuck up because you've got nothing! By the way, what a great hypothesis about Iraq and Al Quaida being together because the're both Muslims. This is exactly the type of Nazi Bullshit that is too prevalent in America. Hitler used to say all of the same things about the Jews that the Bush administration says about Muslims. And shut the Fuck up about "Gods war" on Iraq, you ignorant Fucking zealot! Anyone who gets thier politics from the Bible shouldn't be allowed to vote, because that's how Bullshit Crusades and Ethnic Cleansing get started. If you ever learn to read, pick up the Bible and read it! shit, You learn in Sunday school that Jesus loves everyone. If you think Jesus loves you better for some Fucked up reason, then maybe you should Mein Kampf, you fucking Nazi! It's ignorant religous fanatics like you that give America a Bad name! - RavenBlade

Josh: Ooh, feisty!

Congratulations, dumbass!

If you weren't too busy being so self-righteous, RavenBlade, you might've noticed that this is a satirical webpage, or that most of your points are just as fanatical as some of the stuff "Bible-thumpers" say. Don't listen to me, though. I'm not as enlightened as you are.

- May 29, 2005

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