Letters From The Readers

Lots of letters this week as we discuss quantum physics and the problems that the idea of a perpetually contracting and expanding universe poses.

A bunch of bullshit.

[RE: "Christian Uncovers Proof Of Devil In Band's Website" - Ed.] this is a bunch of bull $hit music isnt evil it is an expression of emoton and nothing else there is nothing evil about it rock and roll is amazing stuff it is not sent bu the devil it is created through human thought and feelings not some forse from hell stop being parinoid u crazy people - Tyler C

Josh: It's not paranoid, Tyler. The devil was right there in the HTML code. I don't know what more proof you need.

Ugh.

ZOMBIEMACHINE!!!!!!!! - Im on CRACK!

Josh: Sometimes I regret my policy of promising to print every letter we receive.

Again.

sick - [name eaten by our letter form]

Josh: Sometimes I regret my policy of promising to print every letter we receive.

Some relief in the form of a coherent letter.

HA! I'm back with a vengeance. Even though I might be JUST an avid (but not too avid) reader of the EV I feel like I don't need to be heard. Yes, I know this makes very little sense but bear with me, I'm trying to get by in college. I miss you all! - Sofia your sweetheart

Josh: Sofia! It's wonderful to hear from you. Remember: college can be hard, but you can get through it by a) reading Kenton's Guide To College and b) becoming the cool kid on campus by enthusiastically talking about The Enduring Vision at all times. Example: "Sofia, would you like to go to a party tonight?" "Only if it's an Enduring Vision party!"

Gothic issues.

The Real Goth:

Throwing on a bit of black clothing does not make you a Goth....Exsqueeze me. And that guy/girl in the middle was hot. But still. That doesn't even matter. Who you are makes you a Goth. Not what you wear or the music you listen to. It depends on your "darkly disturbing past" and the sick, twisted, depressed person you are at heart. The ability to say cruel, funny, yet scaringly strange and depressing things at the same time. The fact that you see the beauty in the dark and don't go along with everyone else. That your lost soul can reach out to another like it and latch on for dear life, hopefully finding another in return. - Tony Blades

Josh: Wait, did you just say exsqueeze me?

God speaks up.

Venezuela Out Of Control; Jesus Demands Human Blood Now, Says Robertson

God would like you to know that he has NEVER given Pat Robertson his phone number. Obviously, SOMEbody is posing as God and forcing his EEEEEvil agenda upon the world.

And the whole blood thing was just a phase. He's done with that now. - InsaneDisabled

Josh: Well that's a relief. But what am I going to do with all of this dead hobo blood...that I bought from the store?

Love!

Re: Recent letter "Silly spam"

These are lines (and partial lines) from David Copperfield (the Dickens novel, not the magician). Obviously, the spammer's goal was to get you to open the mail. It didn't much matter what was in it.

Best, - Mike (Who still wants a bag of original Taco Doritos!)

Josh: As an English major, I feel as if I have disappointed someone by not recognizing that.

I really do love you. Honestly and completely.
<3 - Helen

Josh: Well thank you! I love you too, in strictly a "satire writer-satire reader" way (added in case girlfriend reads, wink wink).

Some more love!

mitch_ciara.htm

LMFAO! too funny! **applause** - Tamra

Mitch Ciara: There is nothing funny about God, or the fact that I am going to saute your lungs on top of your face.

Bombings.

How would you like it if someone bombed your Country with an A-Bomb? Or would you care? You probably wouldn't right? - [name eaten by...you know]

Josh: No, actually, I think I'd find it quite delightful. Why, do you know someone who would like to?

Hmm.

Dang, I've never heard a more convincing arguement for evangelists! Wonderful! I didn't realize that there were any reasonable ones out there. It almost makes me want to study the bible, but then I remembered that the nuns were frequently just as convincing. Sadly, their arguements turned me away from our Holy Sadist, His Mostness, The Lordylordy, The Omnipotent who is certainly concerned about my every action, thought, illness, and sinfulness. - Ralph

Josh: Not knowing what you were talking about, I searched for "evangelist" on our site and found one editorial that only mentions the word in passing. I have to conclude that you are confusing The EV with something much different.

More Original Doritos.

I was born in 1971, so I wasn't around when the original Doritos were produced. However, I do remember growing up and absolutely loving Doritos during the 70's, and I recall they were indeed taco-ish flavored. I believe they were in white bags with a transparent window in the middle. I think our best resource might be old television commercials for exact labelling.

I believe that a lot of recipes change over time. Coke has changed. Wendy's chili has changed. Taco Bell tacos have changed. Some would argue that fast food is the American heritage, and I would agree that fast food restaurants played a large role in my life just because they were always something comforting and familiar when you were in a new city, traveling, on vacation, etc. - Jim

Josh: I agree with the second part of your letter, Jim, and I think this kind of appeal is what franchises bank on -- the fact that you can count on a more-or-less consistent experience whenever you see that familiar logo, no matter where you are.

Gothic issues II.

Hm...no offense or anything but that picture of you reminds me of halloween gone wrong. XD Your gf is satan? Im she he/she is. e_e As for breaking what ever to your parents thats a load of shit. You dont have to explain yourself to anyone, especially your parents. =D Also, wtf is with the clothing made of darkness crap all about? Do you mean clothes made of more durable fabric is filled with darkness? XD Freaky.
Well Im not gonna bitch about this anylonger. Your life your way of thinking. Hey what ever floats or boat right? Have fun being gothic. - Ja Ne

Josh: Your letter needs less emoticons and more hot pics.

Gayness.

Dude, you have to be the gayest guy I've ever herd of, you are soooo full of yourself, you emo bastard. - Chris

Josh: Without knowing what this letter is referring to, I can only comment on the sender's email address, which includes the word "Kornguy", and the fact that if I was the kind of person to call things "gay", I would so call Korn that.

Everybody cool it, here.

[RE: I don't know, some Pete Dunson article, maybe? - Ed.] holy shit man u need anger management - billy-Joe

Pete Dunson: You need ONE FUCKING FIRST NAME, PANCHO-BLANCHO.

Comments about Jesus and leprosy.

Only Jesus and washing regularly can cure you of leprosy, heretic! I hope Mike Ciara, or his boyfriend Mitch, write to correct you on this. - pete

Mitch Ciara: You wish we were boyfriends, don't you, you probably-very-attractive gay faggot who is going to come to my house tonight. Go ahead, try it. I'll read you the Bible while you attempt to Sodomize me.

Beating ass.

[RE: My guess would be "Pregnant Woman Going Around Like She's Britney Spears Or Something" - Ed.] The bitch thinks she's all that because she's pregnant. I'd beat her ass in a second. - Jenny

Josh: For some reason this letter made me giggle. I just pictured Jenny seeing Britney Spears walking around, and wordlessly running up to her and kicking her ass because she is pregnant.

Perfect.

yellow teeth + stupid music! - dendis

Josh: And we'll end on that perplexing comment. Good night, Wisconsin!

- August 28, 2005