Letters From The Readers

Praise ~~God~~ our intelligent designer -- our letter count is much better this week! Don't forget to write in for next week's FIFTH ANNIVERSARY EDITION! If you don't, history will forget you!

Lawyers.

I would just like to comment on the Rosa parks story, I feel-*HONK*...ahem, sorry...Driving a hearse with a casket in front is a car accident waiting to happen, which is good, cuz i'm RAND SPEAR, THE accident lawyer! I don't get paid until you collect money! *HONK* and when you do collect money, you pay it all to me, RAND SPEAR!

Also, i represent Mr. Kaiser's clubbed baby seals in a court of law. *HONK

P.S, Make sure Mr. Wagner reads this letter, so he knows that RAND SPEAR is on the case! - Rand Spear

Scott: Mr. Spear, I henceforth plead the fifth because your hair is too distracting. Also, it is not Chanukah yet so PLEASE STOP HONKING.

Josh: You will never be as good a lawyer as Bob Loblaw.

Deja vu.

oooh, Josh!... I think your pic and caption are a little over the top this week, even for your brand of satire. My lil' bro' just came back before his 21'st birthday after a year as a corps medic over there. I have a good sense of humor, but those sandbags are there so that poor boy can survive the concussive effect of an IED launched from a piece of pipe blowing up feet away from him. Not so funny. Maybe you're spending too much time on campus! - pete

Josh: Possible responses: 1.) The picture's caption was not demeaning or attacking the soldier in any way, and could in fact be viewed as sympathizing with troops low on supplies (the satirical point of the picture), or 2.) Last week the same thing (someone being sensitive) came up, and I said "...your reasoning fails because you could apply it to practically any subject in the universe -- why write a story on President Bush when making fun of him isn't particularly amusing to people who like him? Why write a story on Hurricane Katrina when some people might feel sad? And so on. If everyone listened to anyone's assertion that x topic cannot be made light of, there would be little humor in the world."

Hmm.

slm - [name eaten by our letter form]

Josh: Why did I publish this?

Other people's problems become humor.

[RE: "Sheer Idiocy Scores Victory Over Evolution" - Ed.] That poor 'tard in the picture...

...So politically incorrect...

So delicious. - Sheer idiocy

Josh: On the plus side, at least he looks like he is winning his race, even if he is losing the race of life.

A new award!

RE: SHEER IDIOCY

Yes, I do remember being a crusading ant-evolutionist. Unfortunately I was under the impression that creationism/intelligent design was innately anti-thetical to evolutionism, even Darwinism.

But I find it bitterly ironic that most Christians choose not to listen to their very own historically-most-intelligent thinkers (please see almost any late 19th century theologian, besides Charles Hodge who is somewhat illogical). It's been a rather 20th century phenomenon to see Darwin as the death-knell of design and First Cause - and the result of the somewhat unique theology of fundamentalism.

In conclusion, all I want for Christmas is for a small group of un-read loud-mouthed radicals to stop giving Christianity a bad name for a bad reason. I'm cool with a good name for a good reason. Or a bad name for a good reason. But no more shooting ourselves in the foot for no reason.

Also is there an award for being the longest continuous reader of the Enduring Vision? Cause if there isn't, I'm going to stop reading it. - J Z BURDGE

Josh: Only because your letter makes me so happy:

Congratulations, elder!

So embarrassing.

when you get older your penis gets smaller....my question is...is there
anything thats lagete out there that i can take to increase my size(LONGER
AND THICKER)OR IS THERE ANY TREATMENT I CAN TAKE,OR PILLS THAT REALLY
WORK....CAN YOU HELP ME OUT....THANKS - [name withheld because that's a shame]

Josh: I don't think the search engines are doing their job, because I cannot imagine what this man searched for that ultimately lead him to us and not the 800 trillion Internet sites that sell Cialis.

Joke or confused person?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact:
Todd or Camille Gibson
4445 B. Breton Rd. SE #214
Kentwood, MI 49508-4711
Phone: 616-827-9362
http://www.devilscandy.com or http://www.crackcocainerecovery.com
todd@devilscandy.com or camille@crackcocainerecovery.com

Grand Rapids Michigan Couple Attacks Crack with a Vengeance

Grand Rapids, Michigan November 9, 2005. Don't know anything about crack cocaine? You should learn. Todd and Camille Gibson are on a mission to expose the truth about crack cocaine. Todd who had a 10 year everyday addiction to crack cocaine is now 8 years free and has a ministry to help others conquer their crack cocaine addiction forever. Camille who in the beginning had no clue what crack cocaine was now spends her free time counseling the loved ones of crack addicts when she is not attending to the couples 3 young daughters.

"We run our ministry from the basement of our home", states Camille. "Yes, we help hundreds of people all over the world who are devastated by crack use. "I was in the revolving doors of crime, crack, jail and treatment for 10 years, never having the hope of ever breaking free from the grip crack cocaine had on me", Todd speaks tearfully. Todd continues to say, "I have found freedom and want every person addicted to crack cocaine to know that there is hope through our ministry. There is true freedom from crack cocaine and a wonderful life that follows once a person conquers their addiction to crack cocaine".

[et cetera - Ed.] - Camille

Josh: This person actually sent us a letter once before about crack-cocaine, which I took at the time as a tragically uncreative joking way to insinuate that the woman thought we were crazy. But maybe she just really wants us to know about crack-cocaine.

Hey, these letters are getting pretty good!

Re: Medical Community To Include Treatment For Daemons
Leave it to Kansas to run, screaming, away from the scientific method and, for that matter, the 21st century. Just to provide some perspective, i go to nursing school in Maine. it's a two year college and i'm there for a second degree (i have a BA in English literature)... i was dicussing the whole "intelligent design" bullshit argument with a friend and another student came into the lounge and said, without a hint of irony, "there's no real proof for evolution, ya know!?"
studying to be a nurse and the poor fucker is that retarded. ugh. i swear, if creationism makes a real, concerted comeback and i'm forced to do something totally silly like tell my patients about daemons, i'm moving to Canada. it's right around the corner, and i hear that they need nurses.
anyway, now that i've typed all this, i'm sure that none of you, nor anyone who reads this site cares about anything i've just said... so, as usual, your satire is the best i've found on the web. rock on. - Liz

Josh: On the contrary, Liz, I care quite a bit about what you've said, and I thank you for the letter. What's more, your letter serves as some foreshadowing for the very next one I received...

Oh, wait.

While I know that it is ill advised to attempt to be serious with the owner of a satire site, this attempt I must make:

No proof of evolutionary life forms has ever been produced, and the mechanism for evolution upon which Darwin postulated has not been demonstrated. Indeed, most of the "fossil specimens" used to demonstrate evolution have been proven by more reliable science to be amalgamations of pieces of other creatures which died much more recently than the era of the supposed "fossil evidence". I know this makes me potentially eligible for a 'Captian What You Say', but if Evolutionists (it is a religion after all) had any proof of what you say, then there would no longer be any argument. We love you lots, Josh, and when you evolve I expect at least a postcard! - pete

Josh: Possible responses: 1.) Oh, no. No. Oh, dear. 2.) I didn't realize people like you were still around, what with free information all over the Internets. 3.) The fact that you're talking about proof when evolution's rival theory is intelligent design has to fit the definition of irony in a deep, profound way. 4.) So the fact that there is still argument over evolution proves that it is unreliable and unprovable? Were you a member of the Flat Earth Society, by any chance? 5.) Liz, anything to add?

Some negative love.

There's no easy way to say this, but the news in sexy brief isn't good. At all. In fact, it makes SNL's weekend update, which hasn't been worth watching since Norm was fired, look like Richard Pryor by comparison. I've been a reader for a long time, and I have to suggest you ditch this feature. - N

Josh: While I appreciate the feedback, we'd be shooting ourselves in the foot if we ditched the briefs, which in their relatively short time on the site have already become one of our most popular features -- maybe even the most popular. I also think that Tina Fey, like NiSB writer Jake Novak, is a good writer and has some funny commentary to make. Thanks anyway!

- November 13, 2005