Missing Homework: What Can You Do?
                          by Josh Righter

If you’re like many students across the nation, you’re just too damned lazy to be bothered with trivial things like homework. That’s why The Enduring Vision has taken the liberty of compiling a list of what we consider the top excuses for not having it done. Use them wisely.

Say:

- "Somebody stole it!"
This one has been used by editor Dan Young about 79 times to date.

- "I already gave it to you."
A little psychological trickery gets you everywhere.

- "I love you."
Confessing your secret love will probably make matters worse, but what the hell.

- "No, where’s YOUR homework?"
Turn the tables with this classic response.

- "Your question makes me uncomfortable."
If the teacher requests your homework again, sue him or her.

- "Fuck off."
This will not solve anything, but will feel really good and make you look cool.

- "I may not have my homework, but the important thing to remember is that it isn’t done, and that I don’t have it."
Nonsensical remarks like this may befuddle your teacher and cause him or her to forget about the assignment in question. If you’re lucky, it will drive him or her to insanity, solving your problems for good.

- "Homework is considered a Christ-less sin in my family’s religion."
If your teacher asks what religion you follow, sue him or her.

- "I ate it. Seriously. I wadded the papers up, opened my mouth, and shoved the whole goddamned thing in. Holy living fuck, was it ever good."
Ideally, this excuse will not only get you out of any penalties, but also get you a free trip to the school counselor as well.

- "Uh-oh, spaghetti-o!"
After saying this, stare blankly at the teacher until he or she leaves.

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