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News
In Sexy Brief: April 23rd, 2006
by
Jake Novak
Sometimes, you just want a little sensual news tease instead of full frontal analysis. This is where News In Sexy Brief comes in. Headlines of the day in a short, easily-digestable form guaranteed to give you a brief laugh and a raised eyebrow...among other things. Awwww yeah.
Top
5 Real Reasons Gas Prices are Back Over $3 a Gallon:
5)
The White House needs to get us mad enough to support another war
4) Apparently,
America is responding to terrorism by boycotting walking
3) Not enough
people are buying gas station corn nuts these days
2) Someone at
a refinery somewhere caught a cold
1) Yeah right,
like there's anything you can do about it
Bin
Laden Tape
Osama bin Laden's latest taped message is outraging millions of Americans.
Once again, he refuses to make it available on iTunes!
Bonds
Homers
It took three weeks, but Barry Bonds finally hit his first home run of
the season Saturday night. He must be using those new time-release steroids.
New
Orleans Runoff
The mayoral race in New Orleans is definitely headed for a runoff. But
there are still a lot of questions to be answered... like who the hell
would want to be mayor of New Orleans?
Greek
Orthodox Easter
Sunday was Greek Orthodox Easter. The Greek Orthodox celebrate Easter
later because they adhere to the lunar calendar, and they like to get
all that Easter candy for half price.
BTK
Privileges
"BTK Killer" Dennis Rader has won the right to watch television
in his cell, but sexually explicit programs would not be allowed. That
means he'll only be able to watch PAX TV and the Weather Channel.
Franco Homer
47-year-old Mets outfielder Julio Franco became the oldest man to homer
in a major league game Thursday night. But after the game, investigators
found syringes full of Geritol in his locker.
Kerry
in 2008?
John Kerry says he's trying to decide whether to make a serious run for
president in 2008. It's kind of weird, because he never decided to run
a serious campaign for president in 2004.
You're not getting all the news briefs! See more at staff member Jake's Comedy Corner!
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