John Kerry Is Osama Bin Laden's Twin Brother

Pictured: Frank Patriot

John Kerry. The name just makes you shiver with fear, doesn't it, America? Well, it should: as Dick Cheney and Tim Russert have informed us, Kerry as a President would basically turn this great country of ours into one big bulls eye, with the words: "OSAMA PLEASE KILL US NOW" in the middle of it. But like some kind of bleeding-heart Transformer, there's more to Mr. John Kerry than meets the eye. Much more.

What am I talking about? Well, it's only the biggest political scandal since Clinton killed all those people and had affairs with over 900 women! That's right, America: John Kerry is actually Osama bin Laden's long-lost twin brother. And like all twins, these guys think exactly alike at all times, which means John Kerry is only interested in becoming President for one reason: to destroy America from the inside.

"Oh, but the liberal media told me he's a good man who won Vietnam for everyone, and now I don't know what to think!" you might be saying to me. Calm down a second, and listen to the cold, hard facts, conveniently already researched for you by none other than Frank Patriot, your spin-free news source in this crazy communist world:

- John Kerry is not George W. Bush
When this great country of ours was attacked on September 11th, where was John Kerry? I'll tell you where he wasn't: the Oval Office. That's right, even during a great crisis, Kerry couldn't even be bothered to be the stinking President. Thanks a lot, John Frauderry. You just ruined America forever. Luckily, another, better man was willing to fill in for you on that fateful day: George W. Bush. Now, if that doesn't practically scream out to you that Kerry is actually a bin Laden twin who hates this country, I don't know what does.

- Kerry's real name is probably "John Kerry bin Laden"
Doesn't it sound right when you say it? There's almost no doubt in my mind that when you see John Kerry on TV and they show his name at the bottom of the screen, some liberal censor quickly covers up the "bin Laden" portion, so that ordinary American citizens like you and I don't know the real truth. Well guess what, you commie media watchdogs? The secret is out, because I figured it out with my own brain.

- They practically look exactly the same
The proof of the relationship between Kerry and bin Laden is right on the surface: even with hundreds of Botox injections, Kerry could not get rid of the family features that mark him as hating America now and forever. Just take a look at how easily Kerry becomes bin Laden:

Pictured: the striking similarity between Kerry and Laden
That's right, America! Say hello to your Presidential candidate...Osama bin AMERICAN KILLER KERRY!

Let's get one thing straight here: I am not out to blindly attack John Kerry's character, nor am I trying to use fear-mongering to steal votes from him. Like Dick Cheney and Tim Russert, I'm merely stating the facts: that John Kerry is the twin brother of a known terrorist, and that if he was elected, he would allow terrorist attacks and/or commit his own terrorist attacks against America. Is that the kind of leader you want, you stinking hippies?

Frank Patriot is a true American who lives at an undisclosed location somewhere in America. He is not John Kerry.

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