President Bush's Oval Office Address: Frank Patriot's Analysis

Pictured: Frank Patriot

America, I'm sure all of you were as excited as I was to hear that President Bush was making a live Oval Office address tonight -- his first since the beginning of the War On Terrorism, Iraq, and Evil. I had some snacks set up and my flags at the ready, but I realized that I could be less selfish, in the spirit of the CHRISTMAS season, and do a little breakdown of the speech for my readers. I'm sure none of you missed it, but there are some subtle nuances to President Bush that many people probably don't catch.

Here are some parts of Bush's speech that I feel need attention called to:

"Good evening."

- Shows the President is aware that it was the evening during his speech, proving that liberals who try to make fun of his intelligence are just unpatriotic anarchists who have no hope

"Three days ago, in large numbers, Iraqis went to the polls to choose their own leaders -- a landmark day in the history of liberty. In the coming weeks, the ballots will be counted, a new government formed, and a people who suffered in tyranny for so long will become full members of the free world."

- Shows that thanks to freedom and Democracy, soon citizens of Iraq will be able to have their conversations secretly tapped just like the rest of us

"This election will not mean the end of violence."

- Not visible in print: President Bush's wink when he said this, meaning that we all know that it will be the end of violence, but he can't just come out and say that because it would help our enemies

"And this vote -- 6,000 miles away, in a vital region of the world -- means that America has an ally of growing strength in the fight against terror."

- Shows that Iraq, which once attacked our country on 9/11 Jesus Bless Our Jesus, will now fight turrists

"I know many Americans have questions about the cost and direction of this war."

- Shows that communist Americans are being wiretapped so we all know how stupid they are

"After the swift fall of Baghdad, we found mass graves filled by a dictator; we found some capacity to restart programs to produce weapons of mass destruction, but we did not find those weapons."

- Shows Saddam Hussein cleverly hid weapons of mass destruction to try and make President Bush look foolish. It didn't work

"It is true that Saddam Hussein had a history of pursuing and using weapons of mass destruction. It is true that he systematically concealed those programs, and blocked the work of U.N. weapons inspectors. It is true that many nations believed that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction."

- Shows what a dick Saddam is

"But much of the intelligence turned out to be wrong."

- Sarcasm

"God is not dead, nor [does] He sleep; the Wrong shall fail, the Right prevail, with peace on Earth, goodwill to men."

- Proves that God will lead America to victory and peace forever

"Thank you, and good night."

- Makes sure we all get a good night's sleep

"And remember: you shouldn't have friends or family overseas, because America is good enough."

- I added in this last part but he really should've said it.

Frank Patriot is a true American who lives at an undisclosed location somewhere in America. He is currently applying to be President Bush's head speechwriter.

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