Black History Month Seems Pretty White To Me

Pictured: Gerald William Bunson

Let's get one thing straight, here: I love black people. I love practically everything about them, including their culture, which I find fascinating, and even a little thrilling.

That said, I'm sad to say that my same sincere love for an interesting people has lately turned into deep sadness and disappointment, because everyone seems to be missing the fact that it's Black History Month. Nowadays, practically the whole holiday is being run by crackers like myself, and frankly, it makes me a little sick.

Just look at the recent commercials for this holiday. Coke has one from a few years back that they've been showing again -- it features various accomplishments of black people throughout the 20th century, with different Coke bottles being shown to remind you that all along, Coke was there, helping them out somehow. They also play some vaguely blues-esque music in the background so you really get the point that they're talking about black people, which was a smart move, I'll admit.

On the whole, though, the commercial is horribly offensive to a black person aficionado like myself, because I don't think I've ever seen a black guy drinking Coke. Period. It's just not done in their culture. The closest they probably come is Gatorade, but that's only the very athletic ones, from what I can tell.

My advice, as a self-admitted friend and advisor to the black race (I like to fancy myself as a sort of white Jesse Jackson), is that blacks need to rise up and reclaim their month from the shackles of white oppression that it's now in. Why aren't they stepping up and putting out their own commercials, with exciting rap music and gritty shots of true life in the projects?

One problem is that the white media (of which I am sadly a part) has tricked many young, impressionable black people into thinking that Black History Month is somehow racist. Our overly-PC culture would have you believe that just saying the word "black" is wrong. Of course, in reality, Black History Month is about the least racist thing our country has ever done for the blacks, aside from maybe giving them their own television channel.

I mean, for every month of the year except February, it's white person this, white person that. You might not have ever noticed it, but it's true, and that's why Black History Month is so important. It's a helpful reminder that black people really did do things in history, and the fact that it comes around once a year means that just when you've forgotten all about black people, boom! It's Black History Month again.

If I were black, I'd take this time to implore my brothers and sisters (literally...well, not literally, but that's what you get to call other black people when you're black -- pretty neat, huh?) to not forget where we came from. There was a time when blacks didn't have any month to celebrate what they've done in history, and most people just assumed that black people were some kind of mythical creature designed as an allegory to teach us about life. Now, crackers have no choice but to see commercials and think, "Oh yeah. Black people exist, and they invented peanut butter." Which is funny, because I'm pretty sure blacks don't really like that, either.

So, Happy Black History month, everyone! And hopefully President Obama (who is black) doesn't try to expand it to other months, because let's not get crazy, here.

Gerald William Bunson currently lives in North Dakota, where he writes usage directions for toilet paper. He is scheduled next week to give a lecture on race relations in the 21st century at Tarleton State University in Texas.

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