Ask A Real Doctor: World Series Edition

Pictured: A real doctor

For many people, baseball is much more important than their general health or sexual potency. Fortunately, we've pulled our resident medical-esque expert, Dr. Josh, away from reading scientific Wikipedia entries to answer your burning questions about this year's World Series.

But wait: can Dr. Josh really answer questions about baseball, even though up until two days ago he believed it was a type of military weapon? Why, who cares?

Dear Dr. Josh,
I was at the Phillies game last night, and I made sure to wildly spin my Phillies towel around at critical moments during the game. As you can guess, it made the Phillies win. Unfortunately, my towel and I will not be able to make it up to New York for Game 6. Will they lose without us there? - Kinda Curious in Killadelphia

Dear Kinda Curious,
You may be able to get a victory for the Phils yet. When watching the game on TV, be sure not to do anything that seems like it's disturbing the team. You should also consider not watching the game if you've ever watched a game before where the Phillies lost. Good luck -- the team is counting on you!

Dear Dr. Josh,
I bet playing in the World Series is really hard. Can't we just stop this and let the players go home? Man was not meant to run around this much. - C. Hamels in Philadelphia

Dear C. Hamels,
Medically speaking, you're correct: each minute spent playing a baseball game, on average, takes three years off a player's life. It's literally the hardest thing anyone has ever done or could ever do. Players can only hope that they will get some kind of small pay raise next season to compensate.

Dear Dr. Josh,
I read one analysis of the World Series with the headline, "Mistakes Are Making a Difference in the World Series". How could this possibly be true? - Really Confused in Rochester

Dear Really Confused,
Although sports analysis usually contains deep insight, this piece is a little off. It's common knowledge that mistakes could never change the outcome of any baseball game. In fact, the outcome of the 2009 World Series, like most sports championships, has already been secretly decided by the President of Major League Baseball.

Dear Dr. Josh,
If the team I'm rooting for in the World Series wins, can my friends and I flip over someone's car and steal some electronics from a store near my house? People say it's illegal, but how the hell else can you celebrate? - Furious in Fulton

Dear Furious,
Do you guys really think you can flip a car over? That sounds amazing. Please send me pictures of this.

Dear Dr. Josh,
Baseball is so boring! Did you ever hear someone say this? That's because it's true! Why do people watch such a boring sport? - Curious in Culton

Dear Curious,
You're right -- I have heard that. The only explanation for it is that most people watch baseball because they like to be bored, and wish that they were dead.

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