Seven iPhone App Ideas Guaranteed To Make You Rich And Sexy

Pictured: you being totally rich

You may have heard some nerds talking recently about the iPhone, but don't be so quick to punch them: this hot new gadget could be your ticket to eternal fame and hot loving.

How? People have discovered that by making "apps" that users buy in exchange for exciting new iPhone functionality (i.e., turning it into a fart machine), they rake in cash. But are all the good app ideas already taken? No, idiot. Pick one of the following as-yet-unmade app ideas, find some jerk to program it, and watch the cash roll in.

A Brief IPrimer On IThe iPhone

As the 21st century began, man realized that he had a problem: he could only access the internet between 95% and 98% of the time. The rest of the time, people were simply not within reaching distance of internet-enabled devices, causing them to feel helpless and scared. Couples without a computer right next to their bed, upon forgetting how to copulate, could not Google the answer. People on the toilet could not ascertain their friends' Facebook statuses. In short, the world was on the brink of destruction.

Fortunately, Apple stepped in with the iPhone, a cell phone that gave users the power of the internet in the palm of their hands (other internet-enabled phones did exist at the time, but did not look cool). With the internet always available, users were free to seek out and download applications that further extended the iPhone's power.

In a period of about 42 hours, most of the apps that will ever be even moderately useful were thought of, invented, and downloaded 50,000 times. But a few remain. These unused ideas appear below, ready for anyone to make. All we ask is that you share a certain percentage of the profits with us (the percentage will be determined at a future date, but will likely not be more than a three digit number).

Pictured: iPhone iPhone.

1.) iPhone IPhone

Think about it: what's better than an iPhone? Nothing, and especially not your family or loved ones. So instead of displaying pictures of them, the iPhone iPhone app permanently displays an attractive, non-working replica of an actual iPhone on your iPhone. With this app, a user will quickly become the life of the party in his circle of friends, as he quickly becomes affectionately known as "the iPhone iPhone guy".

Suggested Price:
$20 (price does not include cost of additional iPhone if you want to use an iPhone for anything besides displaying a picture of an iPhone)

Difficulty To Make:

Pictured: Socially Awkward Hero

2.) Socially Awkward Hero

For some people, there's nothing worse than standing in a public place without anything to do, realizing that everyone who is walking by is judging you as a loser. This handy app solves this problem by giving you the chance to respond to fake text messages and phone calls from the friends you really do have -- you're just waiting for them to call you (for real).

Suggested Price:
$5 (make free trial version available, but discourage people from using it for long by making it periodically announce "I HAVE NO FRIENDS AND I'M AFRAID OF PEOPLE")

Difficulty To Make:
May require some amount of talking to people, so you need to be cool with that.

Read page 2 »

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

Even More Shit:



The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills: