EV @ The Movies: 28 Days Later

Holy shit.

That's the perfect way to some up this scary-as-fuck movie.

Do not go and see this movie. You will shit your pants. And it won't be just a little lump. It will be diarrhea spewing all over the theater.

Such was the case this weekend when I took a date to go see 28 Days Later. When the first zombie jumped through the window and tried to eat the hero, Jim, my ass exploded.

I rocketed up a few feet in the air behind the sudden brown burst from my ass. Luckily, only three rows of seats were infected from the brown, stinking goo, and I was spared the embarrassment of infecting the entire theater.

Much to my surprise though, every person hit with the diarrhea began to shake uncontrollably and vomit. Upon further inspection, their eyes turned into an evil ass red color and they began to come towards me.

Of course, in the movie we were all watching, if someone was hit by the blood of one of the zombies, they immediately were infected and became zombies themselves. So imagine how scared I was when I saw my fellow viewers all coming at me like zombies from the movie.

But the crowd was slightly different than the blood-thirsty zombies. Instead of killing all of the alive inhabitants, they began to spew shit out of their asses into the air.

As you can imagine, the shit covered the entire theater and soon everyone became infected with what I like to call "shitmonia."

Now, whether everyone was actually shitting due to being shitted upon, I am not totally sure. One thing is for sure though: if they weren't shitting due to being infected, they were shitting because they were fucking scared.

Do you know why they were scared? No, it wasn't because zombies were eating everyone. It was because our great leaders of the world were dead. Yes, Bush and Blair had been eaten by the zombies.

But Bush would not go down without knowing that his arch enemy Saddam had been eaten also. The conservative crowd trembled upon hearing the news of the dead leaders, but once it was revealed that they were all dead, they leapt into the air because the world was finally rid of evil (Saddam and terrorists).

Apparently, I was the only one that realized that evil zombies still inhabited earth, but no one really cared since Al Qaeda was gone.

The night finished on a bad note when I dropped my date off and she told me she didn't want to see me anymore since I "smelled like bull fuck."

Oh well, so ends another adventure at the movies.

Overall rating: A+

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