Lord Of The Rings And Ninja Turtles: Radical Ring Power (Part III)

Pictured: copyright-fraudilicious art for our upcoming book.

VII. Flying To Middle Earth On A Dog
The whole gang -- Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo, Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Master Splinter, Gollum, Casey Jones, and April the s*xy reporter who some people are not allowed to look at because their moms said so -- stood on a subway platform, waiting to see how they would get to Middle Earth to stop Sauron and Shredder. Frodo and the LOTR crew had led them there, but was it possible that they were actually evil clones and that this was all a trap, just as Admiral Ackbar had warned over the Turtle Communicator?

"It's a trap!" he warned again, causing the Turtle Communicator on Leonardo's belt to vibrate and shake, which made Leonardo make a strange noise and close his eyes while smiling.

"That's enough tomfoolery, Leonardo," Leonardo admonished, rubbing some Turtle Wax into Michalengelo's powerful rippling biceps. "Frodo and the LOTR gang, are you just evil twins who have led us into a trap?"

"Gollum seems like he could be an evil twin...of himself!" thought Donatello as he watched Gollum drawing a picture in the dirt labeled "FRODO'S RING IS THE PRECIOUS THAT I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT, AND I INTEND TO STEAL IT." His forehead wrinkled in an intelligent way, and he decided to gather more evidence on his Turtle Internet before telling anyone of his secret ideas about Gollum.

"Well, you see," Frodo began, and Leonardo's hand shot to the shaft of his sword, trembling up and down wildly as he anticipated an attack. Just then, though, Falcor gave a roaring laugh and landed on the platform!

VIII. About To Fly To Middle Earth On A Dog/Secret Trouble
"Going up?" Falcor joked, and Raphael punched him in the face.

"Hey, wisecracking is my territory, because it's how I hide my true feelings of being a sensitive turtle!" he shouted, but Falcor simply laughed and licked Michaelangelo's face, causing Leonardo to grow angry for some reason.

"Now that's what I call a sticky situation!" Raphael joked, hiding his true feelings of being a sensitive turtle, and everyone laughed.

"This was the 'subway' all along!" Sam shouted, almost dying but quickly getting up inspirationally. "Tell 'em, Massah Frodo!"

Suddenly, Frodo's ring began glowing, and his eyes turned into large pizzas. "You fool," he hissed at Sam, beginning to put the ring on. "You chubby fool."

"NOW IS GOLLUM'S PRECIOUS RING CHANCE!" Gollum hissed, and began to hop over to Frodo, which confused everyone.

"What does he mean? Is he going to help Frodo?" asked April the s*xy reporter, trying to get the facts for her newspaper story. "I think young future authors who write about people like me are hot!"

"Wait, everyone!" Donatello shouted, printing out several hundred pages of Turtle Research. "I think that Gollum -- "

Just then, Frodo's ring stopped glowing, and his eyes cleared, and he had just enough time to catch Gollum in his waiting arms. "Gollum, I can't keep you off of me, since you love me so much!"

"Love is a beautiful thing, stop screwing around," agreed Leonardo, giving Michalengelo a friendly kiss. "Now Donatello, what was it that you were just about to tell us?"

"Yes, Donatello, we're all waiting since you got our attention," explained Gandalf, flying to a nearby McDonald's and getting some food. "You humans," he admonished, shaking his head. "This fatty food and your expensive oil will soon ruin you. You could learn a lot from our land of Middle Earth."

"And just maybe, just maybe, you could learn a little from us," Master Splinter intoned wisely, and everyone nodded in awe of the important lesson.

"I guess they forgot about my theory," Donatello thought, thoughtfully watching Gollum, who was licking Frodo's ring, "which is good, because now I'm not so sure!"

IX. Flying To Middle Earth On A Dog
After a long awesome flying scene, the gang finally landed in Middle Earth, where they were getting close to the final confrontation to win the Ring and the Pizza.

"Wow, that flight was a cool combination of 2001: A Space Odyssey and The Neverending Story and Star Trek," remarked Michaelangelo. "SURF'S UP!"

"Uh, guys?" Raphael asked, probably just wanting to know the answer to a question and not being in trouble.

"Yes, what is it Raphael, everything's probably fine, right?" Master Splinter answered wisely, teaching everyone several lessons.

"NINJORKS!" he screamed, pointing to the horizon, where a crowd of hybrid Orcs and Ninjas were running towards them!

"This could be the end of us!" predicted April, tearing her shirt on a nearby rock. "My braissere is showing!"

« Go back to Part II | Continue to Part IV »

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