Letters: February 1, 2010

It's the first letters edition of 2010! But will the sheer terror some of them invoke in us make it the last? Read on to find out...if you dare.

Things The EV Doesn't Have.

Do you have an email newsletter? - cristina topor

Josh: Sorry Cristina, but most of the world's email servers banned our domain name after that unfortunate pyramid scheme incident.

Who Could Believe This Shit?!

Well hmm, i dont know who is the dumbest fuck here ME? or YOU! I was believing this shit all the way to the last line. - rez

Josh: I'm not sure what story Rez here is referring to, but I can say that since they're all true, it's a good thing he believed it to the last line.

Speaking Of Things That Are True...

you can watch the movie and play dark side of the moon(1972) then wish you were here(1974) then animals(1976)..it lines up perfectly! don't believe me ...sit back, relax and be prepared to be blown away....PEACE! - ken

Josh: Did you also know that Dark Side of the Moon lines up with Animals? It's true, I read it somewhere.

Pedophiles: Where Can You Find Some?

closing the user rooms did not stop the pedophiles, are you nuts? i've been chatting since 2000 and all closing the user rooms did was to have all those sick bastards in ALL the rooms and even harder to catch. it has also made chatting very difficult because all the sickos have invaded all the other rooms and thus a lot of the good people have gone. yahoo has turned into a circle jerk and it's too too bad. - patricia

Josh: Where did these "good people" you speak of go? I can't find them on the internet.

The Enduring Vision: Now Typo-Free ForevIE!

I just wanted to let you guys know about a typo: on the main "What can you do?" page near the bottom, there is an article titled "Remebering 9/11" which I assume is supposed to be "remembering." Thanks for all the hilarious and awesome work you guys do. This page is the highlight of every dismal, dreary day I drag my poor college-student ass through. - Scott

Josh: Thanks for pointing out our shame, Scott. We fixed that during our recent general housekeeping and upgrades to the site. Did anyone notice that, by the way? We changed like 100 things. Free prize if you list them! (We reserve the right to designate "ability to continue accessing The EV for free" as your prize.)

Bahahaha, Money.

That was hilarious. Racist. But Hilarious. I wish black people could understand the hilarity, but when I showed my black friend how funny this was, he just said it was racist and called me a white honkey nordic nigga. I felt offended because I figured at this point in our friendship I could at least get the respect of the 'er' at the end, but alas, It was not to be. I guess blacks will never learn to appreciate the white sense of humor. PS I need a job, please pay me to write for you. - Keegan

Josh: Deal, we'll give you 50% of the site's profits! Now's about the time where you need to remember the math rule about dividing by zero.

Oh Great, One Of Them Serious Comments.

Chevron earned $24 billions in excessive profits in 2008, as per www.tyrannyofoil.com. Schwarzenegger should put an excessive profits tax on these profits, instead of protecting the oil corporations from fair taxation, then, there would be sufficient public funds for all the vulnerable, people programs. Big busines lost the fight to eliminate domestic violence funding, so now they are coming back with a vengeance. There is no domestic violence funding provision in the present budget. - EarlRichards

Josh: ...and plus, Schwarzenegger was a womanizer!

OMG WE R Fagz No Wai

u guyz r fags, this ain't true. I know that Haiti had at least one paved road. Considering that no one can afford cars, it's quite an accomplishment. I'm sure the dudes pulling carts really appreciated that blacktop radiating heat into their faces as they struggled to stay alive. Really digging the new updates though, keep it up suckers! - Clint

Josh: Whoa, whoa, whoa -- Haiti had a paved road?! What the hell are we doing giving them all this money?

More About Roads (Plus Sewage!).

You want dirt for roads without all the muss and fuss of actually having to do any work? Have I got a deal for you. For the low, low price of your soul, I'll deliver dirt and corrugated tin to the people of Haitia and you never have to leave the comfort of your television. Relax and watch the misery on the tube, avoid the smell of death and open sewage and leave the heavy lifting to me. And all it'll cost is your immortal soul... Bankers and politicians need not apply. I've already got yours. I said immortal soul, not immoral. (And I want to give a shout out to Josh...soon, my friend, soon). - The Devil

Josh: If there's anything I've learned, it's that deals with the Devil always work out well, with no unexpected consequences.

The Enduring Vision: A Funny Website.

"Critics say that his suicide note was polished and well-executed, but lacked some basic functionality that existing suicide notes already provide." Now that's funny! - kilroy

Josh: Hey, suicide is never funny. Except when it's from auto-erotic asphyxiation. I mean, it's still plenty sad, but part of you giggles a little.

We're The Authority On The Ghosts Of Deceased Authors.

You fools! You'll never be rid of his ghost. Oh crap, I commented. Now I'm haunted too. - Clint

Josh: Coming this fall: Ghost Hunters Salinger Edition: Catcher In The Die. Only on Syfy.

Michael Who?

You guys can write about me anytime. Just don't slander me or I'll cut you like SONY cut my contract. Eee-Hee-Heee! - Ghost of Michael Jackson

Josh: In fairness to Sony, the Playstation 3 is pretty sweet. How much of that did Michael Jackson make?

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

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