'Arrested Development' To Be Cancelled; Is Not Stupid, Retarded Enough For Primetime Television
Orders for new episodes of the critically acclaimed Fox sitcom Arrested Development have been reduced from 22 to 13, the network announced a few days ago, although most people are just hearing the news today because they are slow.
When questioned as to why the show's order count has been reduced and why it will likely be cancelled at the end of this season, even in the face of the 169 Emmys it has won, network execs said the show's high quality, social potency, fast and furious subtle jokes and wordplay, and overall class make it "wholly inappropriate" for prime time television.
"We apologize to the regular viewers of Arrested Development, but it has been decided that the zany antics of the Bluth family are far too witty, funny and entertaining to be actually entertaining," said Fox spokesperson Scott Grogin. "It is important that we represent everybody, and not just those TV watchers with discerning tastes and an aptitude for quality programming."
Quite simply, Grogin added, Fox is an equal-opportunity entertainer, and the low high-brow comedic style of Arrested Development does not fit into their mission statement.
Changing his tone suddenly, Grogin then stated, "Oops, there were some big words in that last sentence. Here's an official statement: AD gone bye bye. Fox network still love you. Watch 'O.C.'"
Though fans of the show have expressed deep disappointment and vitriol towards the network, many more non-weird television viewers are just as happy to see it go.
"I say that 13 more episodes is too much," said TV watcher and sales representative Tom Loughman angrily. "I watched that show for, like, five minutes and didn't laugh nearly as hard as I do in the opening credits of 'America's Funniest Home Videos'."
"At least Fox has a winner with its other newer sitcom, 'The War At Home'," chimed in Loughman's wife, Sally. "You never know what kind of racist thing that guy is going to say next, but we're still allowed to laugh because none of us are really racist. It's just like pretend."
Carlos Mencia, host of the as-yet-uncancelled racism and stereotype showcase "Mind Of Mencia", agreed.
"WHO MADE THIS ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT SHOW, MEXICAN WETBACKS?" he shouted, laughing for thirty minutes at his own joke. "THEY'RE LESS FUNNY THAN NIGGERS! SPICS! JEWS COMMIES! Nazis. Poo poo."
"Oh my God," guffawed Sally, gasping for air. "It's so true. Das so twue."
"Wouldn't this show be better with an activist guest-wife that makes the rude redneck kids and their father sit down to a vegetarian meal without TV?" questioned Jim Sloughman, another viewer. "That would be more surprising and funny."
Such reactions serve to reiterate a point that Fox itself likes to point out: Arrested Development has always gotten poor ratings, pointing to a public that should be faulted at least as much as the constantly-timeslot-switching network itself.
"I saw a black guy on the show once, but he wasn't making jokes about his race or the white man keeping him down," complained one viewer. "Well, why'd they even have him on?"
"Uh, where the hell is the laugh track?" demanded one viewer of the beleaguered show. "How the hell am I supposed to know what is funny?"
You can laugh at that.
Fox is considering several replacement sitcoms for the show, including one about a large sea otter who rolls around on the floor of the set and says funny things that people can relate to.
"These kids of mine are driving me up the wall!" the otter joked as trainers threw buckets of bloody fish entrails in its mouth. "But I won't be driving too far, because of gas prices being so darn expensive!"
"DIS SA TWU," screamed Sally Loughman, eating fish entrails. "DE SO TWE."