Awards Show Awarding Awards Shows Announced

The Fox television network announced yesterday its intention of creating a new awards show designed to honor outstanding achievements in the field of award shows, a spokesperson for the network said.

The new show, called "The Awards Awardz," will air in March of next year and will feature several celebrities whose careers are spiraling out of control, such as host David Spade, as well as a slew of celebrity guests who will be handed large sacks with a dollar sign printed on them upon their arrival to the show.

"This show is all about being hip and appealing to the hip 12-18 age demographic of hip, cool kids who are all about what's hip," said Lisa Strong, the network's spokesperson. "We're getting a bunch of hip bands -- they haven't been announced yet, as they will be determined on the basis of whether or not they currently have a popular single -- to really wrap up the whole hip package."

Strong added that the show would also "probably hand out awards or something".

Besides an apparent desire to appeal to the "hip" crowd, the primary reason for the show's existence is to sort out the growing number of awards shows and appropriately gauge their quality, so that frightened and confused television viewers don't have to do it for themselves, said Strong after thinking about it for a bit.

"There have been lots of awards shows debuting lately -- the Video Game Awards on Spike TV to honor video games, the Commie awards on Comedy Central to honor Communists, the 98-hour Lifetime awards on the Lifetime Network to honor any and all women who have ever been oppressed by brutish, senseless men -- but we at Fox are afraid that the average TV viewer may not be able to figure out which awards shows they like," explained Strong. "So what we've done is taken a bunch of celebrity presenters who do not know anything about awards shows and got them to tell Fox viewers what they should like."

As for the nominees, Strong said that the list hasn't been finalized yet, but that there were already some "strong contenders".

"Our kind-hearted advertiser Viacom, owner of Spike TV and Comedy Central, really has a great chance with its awards shows," Strong gushed. "I really can't even think of any other awards shows that stand a chance against Viacom's juggernauts. Maybe that one movie awards show, the Police Academy Awards, or whatever it's called. But that's about it."

Some of the possible categories to be nominated in include Best Overall Awards Show, Best Awards Show Airing On A Day Beginning With A "T", Award For Outstanding Awards Show Technical Excellence In The Field Of Something Or Other, Most Skin Flashed In An Awards Show, and Best Awards Show Featuring Fox Television Programs In The Show.

Strong said the network is expecting a strong audience for the show, with ratings easily edging out programming such as NBC's reality show hit "Take Away My Dignity, Please" and CBS' "Shitty Sitcom 56".

"There's a lot of quality competition out there," Strong admitted. "But I think that this show will easily beat all of it due to its immense hip factor."

Judging from the public's reaction so far, it seems that Strong's predictions will hold accurate.

"Every night, I watch a different awards show, and at the end of the week, I realize that I don't know which ones I liked," said New York woman Jane Picer. "I have been waiting for celebrities to tell me the answer for a long time now."

"Forming your own opinions is actually very overrated," claimed another New Yorker. "The guy across the hall told me that."

"If I wanted to think, I'd go back to school," snorted another man. "That part of my life is thankfully over, which is why I'm happy that Fox is running this informative program."

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