Christian Leaders Say Halloween Costumes 'Too Sexy,' Call For Return To Old-Fashioned Demonic Costumes
A number of religious leaders, particularly from the Christian community, have decried what they say is a rampant increase in sexy and provocative Halloween costumes, calling upon the faithful to return to donning the embodiment of pagan spirits during the yearly ritual.
The proliferation of Paris Hiltons, hookers, she-devils, lesbian angels, and promiscuous nuns, pundits say, is cause for concern that overshadows the former threat that the one-night return to pantheism and ritual sacrifice ever held.
Many leaders of the evangelical community recollect the times of old, when mere concerns involved children turning their souls over to the Forces of Darkness and the reanimation of flesh eating zombies were the topics of Sunday morning sermons. Pastor Bob Calhoon of Lincoln Village Evangelical Church remembered a time years ago when a child dressed like the devil offended him.
"How naive I was back then!" laughed the jocular pastor. "We should be lucky to have innocent children imitating the Morning Star, because now we have teens and 20-somethings imitating harlots and temptresses, which only brings us closer to the real Satan."
The religious community has asked its congregations to don their children in godless images of ghosts, demons, homicidal doctors, worm-rotting corpses and other traditional idols of the season to combat the infiltration of short skirts, high boots and tight sequins into the holiday.
"Though I would rather everyone dress up like the 12 disciples, or Saint Paul for this sacrilegious event," said Father Thomas of Bellwood Catholic church, "we must stop the propagation of sexual deviancy with the tools we have, which means conscripting werewolves, vampires, evil spirits and other profane creatures to help."
Father Thomas said that he would resort to summoning the evil forces of the Necronomicon to avoid seeing the Virgin Mary locking tongues with Mary Magdalene like he did outside Club 21 on Saturday night.
Though casting spells has been prohibited in most churches and places of mainstream worship, children are being asked to scour Harry Potter books and movies like "The Craft", "The Covenant", and "The Exorcist" for any spells that may magically clothe scantily clad women, or cause erectile dysfunction in men under 35 years of age.
"Where has the spirit of the season gone?" decried churchgoer and mother of two Glenda Robison. "When my boys were young, they used to take great pleasure in putting skulls and masks means to look like severed heads on stakes in our front yard, and would go trick-or-treating as something adorable like mutants, serial killers or mangled corpses. Now they're grown and in college, and I'd hate to think of the costumes they are being exposed to."
Robison said that she was shocked to find on her eldest son's MySpace account pictures of him with his arms around a sexy nurse to his right, and a playboy bunny to his left, himself dressed as a pimp.
"I would be fine to see him as a dead celebrity with his arm around an evil witch with a broomstick," added Robison, "but he'll go to hell if he keeps this activity up."