Image-Conscious Michael Jackson Goes For 'Non-Insane' Look At Friday Court Hearing
Referred to by some as the "master of reinvention", pop-star and accused child molester Michael Jackson drastically altered his image at his Friday court hearing to reflect a more serious, somber man, a change many say is a drastic alteration from his previous "strange, fucking weird" aura he projected previously.
"Michael's last court hearing began with him showing up late and ended with him dancing around on top of his SUV as he invited people to a party," said James Swartly, an image expert who is often interviewed on VH1 to offer his inane opinions on the ways in which celebrities dress. "For some people, this might work, but for somebody who has been accused of molesting children and also has a face that is 85% plastic, it probably wasn't a good move."
Swartly then excused himself to go look for a "real job".
Another image expert who stepped in shortly after, Jim Swortly, said another positive was the eyeglasses Jackson was sporting on Friday.
"Here's what the glasses say to me: I'm an intelligent guy who is on top of things, not a nutjob who dangles babies from balconies," Swortly explained. "Some people may not pick up on such things, but trust me, many of us do notice, and it comforts us."
Jackson's image change probably did not come easily, however; Swortly speculated that the pop star likely weighed the two options -- remain looking "like a lunatic" or trying to appear as if he had "some semblance of a normal human brain" -- very carefully.
"The whole, 'Whoa, I sure am crazy,' look had its positives," Swortly admitted. "It landed him some publicity, and it allowed the press to cover his life in silly, playful ways, such as referring to him as 'Wacko Jacko'. But at this point in his life, I think it's really time to hang up the weird vest things and face masks."
Others, however, do not agree; specifically, many of Jackson's fans -- who have been intently following the case and, in many cases, instantly acquired years' worth of legal knowledge -- believe that he should not change his image "just to appear like a normal human being to some people".
"Michael can dress and act like whatever he wants!" shouted one woman, wearing a Thriller t-shirt that had not been washed since it was bought from a boardwalk shop in 1989. "He made Billie Jean and that's good enough for me!"
"That kid was probably crying and being all stupid in the first place," scoffed another Jackson fan, referring to the baby-dangling incident. "If it was my kid, I would've done the same thing. In fact, I think I'll go do that now."
Minutes later, the man was arrested for endangering a child, and now awaits a trial.
But despite the reactions of fans, many believe Jackson's new look is here to stay, at least for the immediate future; in fact, there have even been rumors that suggest Jackson is looking to once again go under the knife to alter his appearance to look "more innocent".
"Michael's really looking to change his face up again," said a source who chose to remain anonymous. "He wants his appearance to help his case as much as possible."
Above: An artist's rendering of Jackson's proposed new face.
Indeed, in the artist's conception of what Jackson's new face could look like, the majority of Americans did agree he looked "much more able to get an innocent rating from a jury".
When asked if there was more to the case than just image, however, Swortly had just one thing to say: no.
"In celebrity cases such as this, things like 'facts' and 'evidence' are rarely factors," he said. "In fact, I'm sort of surprised that the trial has gotten this far in the game. I guess that's why Michael is still working on his image."
Swortly also said that even if Jackson is to be convicted, his penalties will likely be far less than what they would be for a non-celebrity.
"I'm sure he'll get some community service or something," he said. "Look at Martha Stewart, after all. She's likely going to get off great, and she has the image of being a frosty bitch."