Druids And Pagans Worry That Original Meaning Of Winter Solstice Feast Is Being Lost

Sun worshipers, minions of Saturn and pre-Charlemagne Germanic tribes have been expressing concern recently that the original intent of the Winter Solstice holiday is being forgotten and replaced by unusual rituals particular to a new celebration known as "Christmas".

Though not limited to but widely practiced by Christians, the newfangled Feast of Christmas is gaining in popularity and, according to some tribal shamans and Mithrian priests, threatens to wipe out the traditional and time-honored yuletide traditions on which the Christian holiday is loosely based.

"The ancient practice of the Feast of Fools has been put in peril by these impious Christian folk who refuse to worship our god, and who inject their radical ideas into our antediluvian and sacred rituals," said Moonbeam Saturna, high priest of Pleasant Valley Church of Tammuz. "All of this 'Christmas' brouhaha is a distraction from the true meaning of the Saturnalia season, and that meaning is sacrificing the leader of the village after drinking his wine and eating his goats, all to appease Ashtoreth, the Goddess of Fertility."

Some pagan religious leaders have refused to accept the new, more politically correct greetings of "Merry Christmas" in lieu of retaining the more traditional and ancient customs of "Blessed Earth Mother Earth Night", or "Happy Modrenect".

"Like hell am I going to let any activist, radical Christian keep me from doing as my ancestors have done for centuries," said local Mithran Burt Smith as he prepared to sever the head of a live boar to roast and serve at the "Lord of Misrule" celebration. "According to [the Church], I'm supposed to give gifts to loved ones to represent the gifts of the Magi to the Christ Child, but what about picturesquely hanging from a fir tree the corpses of nine kinds of every living thing, sacrificed to the one-eyed god Woten, just as we have done for centuries? The traditions of our forefathers have got to stand for something."

Worshipers of the solar deity in the United States fear that their grip on the season is slipping, despite the country being founded by Pilgrims and Puritans who excommunicated and jailed anyone celebrated Christmas. To some, however, the prospect of the celebration of the Winter Solstice going the way of the dinosaur is a rather attractive prospect.

"Why should we be subjected to someone else’s antiquated belief system that’s no longer in-tune with the modern ethos?" asked activist Rev. Peter Williamson, as he fought off the attacks of a hungry, starved lion in a historical re-enactment of the pre-Constantine Diocletian Winter Festival. "I mean, all of this ancient tradition stuff is nice for the weird people who believe in it, but isn't it time to move on to something a little more inclusive? Something we can all relate to?"

"Merry Christmas!" exclaimed the Reverend, which annoyed some passing Druids who responded by calling him a "liberal freak."

"What, like the Great God Father of All, Eochaid Ollathair, isn't good enough for these new-agers and their 'Christ died for your sins' stuff?" asked one concerned pagan worshipper. "Just their style to co-opt our winter celebration and replace it with all this PC Christian stuff."

Many believe that what is perceived by the Druids as a "War On Winter Solstice" is only beginning, and will be a long and arduous battle.

"There is only one true holiday here, and it sure as hell doesn't involve a fat guy in a red suit," said Burt Smith in disgust. "Sol Invictus god Mithras is the closet thing, and he's not fat, and instead of a red suit he wears a radiate phrygian cap."

"Merry Saturnalia!" shouted one determined Pagan, busily setting up a temporary slave-freeing scene in his front yard. "The new moon is coming!"

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