Judge Makes Decision To Have Courtney Love Put Down

Los Angeles Superior Court judge Patricia Shnegg made what she called a "very hard decision" to have what she called a "troubled and vicious rocker", Courtney Love, put down.

"Ms. Love just can't control herself," said Judge Shnegg, though she quickly added that that the decision to ultimately put the animal down was tremendously difficult for a variety of reasons.

"She is really cute when her eyes aren't dilated and sunken, and you just hate to have to put her down," she sighed. "But after years of the habitual abuse of controlled substances and dangerous outbursts towards hecklers, fans and bystanders alike, it wouldn't be worth retraining her. You could never trust her again."

Love has been featured on a seemingly endless stream of entertainment magazine and tabloid headlines recently due to her well-documented erratic behavior and violent tendencies. Failure to appear in court, drug and weapons charges, and assault with microphone stands have all lead to Shnegg's decision that the widow of Kurt Cobain could no longer be rehabilitated by any public institutions that she would walk out of.

Judge Shnegg could have also chosen to confine, chain or muzzle Ms. Love, but was swayed by a letter of complaint from a fan whom Love injured with a microphone stand. In the letter, the fan asked that she be put down to keep the same thing from happening again.

"There is no leash short enough for her," the letter read. "Fans will be constantly in danger should she not be disposed of humanely."

Though no one has come forward to offer to take the Hole frontwoman into their home and provide care, a great number of friends and fans feel that the decision is too harsh a reaction to her constant disobedience.

"I think it's a little harsh to euthanize Courtney for being a danger to society and a bad mother," said former bandmate, drummer Patty Schemel, adding, "but I guess I wouldn't want her around my children either."

"She was such a good girl," said actor Jim Carrey sympathetically, who appeared with Love in the film "Man On The Moon". "I'd come into the dressing room and say, 'Who's ready to act today? Who wants a treat? Is it you? Is it Courtney?' And she would get all excited and jump up on me, and lick my face. Those were happier times."

Love's attorney Michael Rosentein says he and his client will appeal the decision.

"We asked the judge to be lenient," said Love's attorney Michael Rosentein, "and even offered to put her into rehab for the n-th time and make her promise not to break her parole to go clubbing."

Love's attorney admitted that her client is oftentimes unstable and volatile, but not a threat to anyone given the proper treatment.

"Everyone knows that she was on Hillbilly Heroin (Oxycontin) when she broke into her boyfriend's house, on actual heroin when she abused an airline pilot and passengers, and drunk when she got into that car and started driving dangerously – clearly, it's not her, but rather the substance culture and lifestyle that surrounds her."

Love was asked for a statement on the decision as she left the courtroom, but did not respond with a coherent response, opting instead to growl and attempt to bite a nearby cameraman.

In Other News

U.S.
Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

U.S.
Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

Sports
LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Politics
Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

Video
The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Letters
Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

World
U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

U.S.
BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Health
Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

Even More Shit:

twitter

HumorFeed

The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills:

--------------------