Mother's Day Brings Temporary Stop To 'Yo Momma' Jokes
In accordance with a gentleman's agreement made several years ago, all insults based around the idea of the opponent's mother being fat, stupid, promiscuous, etc., were suspended today in the U.S. in observation of Mother's Day.
The pact, formed between famed pranksters Motha Mastah and Rip "On Yo" Motha in 1997, is designed to allow people everywhere to respect mothers on Mother's Day without fear of retribution.
"It's just nice to have a break where we can all recognize that, in reality, mothers are generally very caring, loving people whom we're glad to have around," said Wilmer Valderrama, host of the MTV show "Yo Momma", which shows people verbally battling each other's mothers.
Valderrama, who currently has a deal with Satan that allows him to have a show on TV about mother insults and sleep with every prominent young actress in Hollywood despite being named "Wilmer", instructed the show's cast and crew to revere each other's mothers today.
"They know that if they didn't, the penalties would be harsh," he said, levitating slightly under the immense power of his vast arsenal of momma jokes, which enable him to achieve Legendary Super Saiyan status. "I could kill each one of their mothers almost instantaneously with one joke."
Instead, a special episode of the show was filmed in honor of Mother's Day -- one showing contestants honoring each other's bearers.
"Yo momma is so kind, she offered me a plate of delicious fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies yesterday," spat one young warrior, impressing the audience.
"That's only because she wanted to compete with yo momma, who not only made me cookies, but repaired some stitching in my jacket using her superior seamstress skills," retorted his opponent. He was later declared the victor of the match and received a kiss from the defeated man's mother.
Mother jokes have a long-standing tradition in the U.S. dating back to the 17th century, when early American settlers used their superior Western knowledge of the insults to drive Indians back. Now, they serve both as a link to America's proud history of its citizens disrespecting one other as well as a valuable tool for insulting in the present.
"A mother joke makes one feel incensed and emasculated, even though often, the individual who was insulted does not care much for his mother," said Dr. Thad Thompson, professor of sociology at Berkeley. "I had a young man the other day receive a mother insult that knocked him into a 26 hour coma despite the fact that he has not spoken to her in years and considers her a selfish bitch."
Perplexingly, research shows mother insults are even more effective when they unwittingly strike a nerve of truth.
"Guy tells me my momma is so fat, she goes out to eat at the grocery store," a recent contestant on Yo Momma recalled. "But the thing is, sometimes she does get a little something at the salad bar...and she is a little heavy. It really hit home for me."
"One joke is, 'Yo momma is so fat, we're in her right now,'" said another insulted victim. "But we really are!"
Some have tried to circumvent the cease-fire by classifying their insults as matter-of-fact comments.
"Oh, Clarence, I wasn't aware your mother was so stupid that she stole a free sample," said one man pleasantly to a co-worker. "Is that true?"
Still, overall the day came with few casualties, and an attitude of mutual respect for mothers everywhere.
"I heard your son say such nice things about me," marveled one California mother to another, "even if he is so stupid, he bought a solar-powered flashlight."