Racist Comment Diluted By Use Of Politically Correct Terminology

Austin Greggor, electrical engineer and amateur social commentator, impressed co-workers recently with his adroit use of politically appropriate lexicon that made a malignantly racist comment seem like intelligent discourse.

In fact, many of those present were spared awareness of the blithely hateful comment, given its inoffensive camouflage.

"When we were talking about the 10 most dangerous cities in America, of which Detroit I think is number three, Austin mentioned, and I quote, 'I read somewhere that there are like 800,000 African-Americans living in city limits,'" said co-worker Mitch Cumstein, who marveled at the skillfulness of Greggor to refer to black Americans as violent without actually saying so. "The impact of his statement would have been muffled if he had gone on to use the word ni…n… uh, the 'n' word, but he didn't -- he'd made his point, and brilliantly at that."

Cumstein marveled at Greggor's ability to make the suggestion that 800,000 African-Americans in one place is a bad thing and is the reason that Detroit is in such poor shape -- all without anyone noticing.

"With that statement, I'd put Austin up there with Noam Chomsky as the great theoretical linguist of our time," he said. "Only he's more specialized in the field of racist linguistics, which I'm sure Chomsky was lacking in. He probably calls black people niggers all the time, and therein lies his demise."

In addition to recognizing his linguistic achievements, critics are crediting Greggor with spawning a more overreaching societal movement called "Benign Bigotry".

"Given that race-relations is such a sensitive issue, it is important to have a way to speak about the single-mother problem, violent culture and willful ignorance within the black community without having to resort to hateful terms that I don't care to mention," said sociology professor Dr. Brent Halpern of Northwestern University. "Now we have discovered a way to imply that blacks are criminals without actually having to come out and say it. Closet racists owe Mr. Greggor a debt of gratitude, and now even overt racists can feel more comfortable in society by simply shifting their language to adapt to this new system."

Halpern gave the example of a theoretical 2006 episode of the legendary satire on bigotry All In The Family, in which the devoutly racist Archie Bunker would, by contemplating the effect of radical Islamic beliefs on the world today, eventually make the point that he hated Jews.

Many believe that Greggor is not fully aware of his own ability, and see him capable of much more. Said friend Ben Hibbard: "I asked him if he wanted to go see my band play on Friday night at a bar on Halsted and Roscoe, which is in the 'Boystown' part of town [with a high gay population], and he told me, 'I don't know, there are a lot of homosexuals around there.' I didn't think much about at the time, but now I see that he has pioneered a way to imply that going to a bar in Boystown correlates directly to forcible anal rape without using a single offensive word."

While the potential of Greggor's discovery is still being studied, many are hesitant to make the transition themselves.

"Well, it works on paper, but the phrase, 'calling an African-American an African-American' just doesn't have the same ring as its original 'spade' incarnation, which I really can't say because of its highly insensitive nature," said David Duke, having caught wind of the latest breakthrough in progressive racism. "But there is potential here. One application could be strategically commenting that men of African descent sure are well-endowed, which is a totally inoffensive way of saying that the black man actively seeks the mongrelization of all babies born of white woman, if you think about it."

Duke added that despite having said it the "new" way, he still feels unfulfilled and longs for the days when it was the minorities that had to fight the majority for their rights, and not the other way around.

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