Waiter Drops It Like It's Hot, Sued By Rapper
Ralph Finklestein, a waiter working his way through acting school, recently dropped a sizzling plate of fajitas like it was hot, "which it was," he said.
The guest who ordered the fajitas, and who was subsequently injured in the incident, turned out to be local criminal and rapper Snoop Dogg.
His recent single "Drop It Like It's Hot" has been played on college campuses all over the nation, and has given useless white males an excuse to act stupidly on the dance floor while drunk.
"Fo rizzle, shizzle y'all nizzle bizzle," said the artist in his signature "post-modern urban" tongue. "Whizzle grizzle McDizzle hambizzle."
Dogg's lawyer, father of Ralph Finklestein and consumer-rights advocate Ira Finklestein, explained that although his client's thigh was burned "pretty badly", the worst crime came through his son's "blatant ripping-offtitude" of Dogg's song, making retribution in order.
"My client, Mr. Snoop, has suffered terrible trauma at such unlicensed use of the phrase 'drop it like it's hot'," said Finklestein the elder. "This is a blatant violation of my client's intellectual property rights as the sole owner of the phrase."
He then clicked his tongue in a fashion similar to the clicking in Dogg's popular song, and was soon joined by Dogg himself.
"I didn't mean to violate his rights," said Finklestein, who recently appeared as an extra in a short commercial for Tampax Tampons. "The plate was hot. I dropped it. It's over now and I'm sorry."
There are others, however, who are not amused.
"Outrageous," said Mr. Potatohead, a once-popular children's toy. "I am the original hot potato. This silliness has gone far enough."
However, as proof that the silliness has not gone far enough, Mr. Potatohead was murdered by rapper 50-Cent. Because it is legal in the United States to kill legumes and roots, Cent was released from custody without being charged. According to some reports, the leaders of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) are "confused" by the murder but are "investigating the matter."
"Marijuizzle," said Dogg in response. He clicked his tongue, whereupon several "booty dancers" appeared in the background and began to shake their things.
The lawsuit has drawn criticism from those in the profession of criticizing lawsuits.
"This frivolous lawsuit is just another example of anti-reason," said Peter Schwartz, chairman of the Board of Directors of the Ayn Rand Institute, which was contacted but no one knows why. "In fact, this entire situation is beyond reason. It is...unreasonable."
Frivolous or not, some of the song's listeners already claim to be affected by the impending legal action.
"I'll never think of the song in the same way," said Bill Porter, student at the University of Florida and member of the Delta Omega Gamma fraternity. "I drop it like it's hot every weekend with chicks. And beer."
Although he penned the party song, Mr. Dogg was all business in court.
"Mizzle," he said. at the opening of legal proceedings. "Fizzle gizzle jizzle. Dropped it like it's hotizzle."
Judge Ito, a "long-time fan" of Dogg, has a policy of "no mercy" for violators of the intellectual property of rappers. "This boy will burn," said the judge. "Like it's hot."