'Slumdog' Wins Eight Oscars; Entire Subcontinent Suddenly Gets An Attitude

Pictured: some smug jerk.

In the wake of "Slumdog Millionaire" taking home Oscar gold for Best Motion Picture, the world awoke the day after the ceremonies to discover the entire subcontinent of India had suddenly copped an attitude.

"India has finally achieved equality with the US," said one Indian man on Monday morning. "In fact, India is probably even better than America now."

India's Finance Minister, Pranab Mukherjee, denied having an attitude, but was pretty arrogant throughout the whole interview.

"Uh, we pretty much expected this win," said Mukherjee. "None of those other movies really even came close to 'Slumdog' in its complexity and character development. You idiot."

The movie, released amidst a sea of American Oscar hopefuls such as "Twilight" and "Tyler Perry's Madea Is A Black Woman", took home eight awards, and seemed to validate the Bollywood industry in its entirety. Representatives of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences were apologetic, but denied any intent to make America seem less powerful in the world.

"While we do not regret giving Oscars to Slumdog, we realize now that we may have been careless in our selection," said Academy member and billionaire Steve Jobs. "In a time of economic uncertainty, it is unfortunate that a third world country like Indiana now seems to think it can compete on the world stage."

"It's not a big deal, really," said American citizen -- but Indian person -- Sreehan Ceylon. "We've been making movies [in India] for a while...it was only a matter of time before they started winning real awards. Don't worry about it. Your movies are still good, really."

The arrogance exuding from the entire Indian subcontinent is enraging other countries in the area, most notably Pakistan.

"Normally, Pakistan and India are friendly trading partners," said Pakistan's Minister of "Defence," Chaudhry Mukhtar. "But if they think they're so good at everything, explain to me why they aren't as cool as Pakistan."

A spokesman for India denied any cockiness. "We're the same old India," said the Minister for External Affairs, who actually happens to also be Pranab Mukherjee. "We still put our pants on one leg at a time. The only difference between us and, say, Pakistan is that once our pants are on, we win Oscars."

"Sorry Pakistan. Sorry Afghanistan," he added. "Get your heads out of the Stone Age and maybe we'll talk."

Some Americans were also angered by the arrogance.

"Last time I checked," said American citizen Regis Philbin, "America invented 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire'. Without America, this so-called movie would have had no subject matter to begin with."

India, however, remained defiant throughout the day. Dr. Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister of India, announced a national holiday in celebration of "Slumdog".

"Today [February 23] shall henceforth be known as the annual Slumdog Feast," said Singh on national television. "And no, the irony isn't lost on me."

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