Emotionar Toyota CEO Make Prea To Rawmakers, Predge To Improve Vehicres

Pictured: the correct spelling of Toyota [sic].

Akio Toyota [correctly pronounced "Toy-YO-Da"], president and CEO of Toyota, is preparing to visit China this week after spending the past few days in the U.S. speaking to Congress and accepting responsibility for uncontrolled acceleration in many Toyota vehicles.

Toyoda faced severe criticism and questioning on Capitol Hill, which is where America keeps its most perfect, holy citizens and allows them to rule the country.

"I give you my most sincere aporogy," said Toyoda. "I have brought dishonor to myserf, my company, and my famiry. Most of all, I have cost my sharehorders lots of money. For that, I am so, so sorry."

Head of Toyota Motor Sales USA Yoshimi Inaba also faced the full wrath of a congressional committee, who demanded to know when he knew what, how and why.

"Thangs you for come fisiting us today," said Inaba in his opening statement, "for we are the take care for all better."

"I'm embarrassed for you, sir," interrupted Rep. John Mica (R-FL). "I'm embarrassed for your English teachers, for the Japanese school system, and for you for speaking such a goofy version of our fine language in OUR OWN COUNTRY."

In a rage, Mica was escorted out of the hearing. He later apologized for "pointing out that, irregardless of the car problems, Japanese people don't give our country and our language the RESPECT that it deserves."

New documents suggest that high-ranking Toyoda officials may have been aware of potential safety problems with their vehicles, but chose not to take action, something that U.S. lawmakers have vowed to think very hard about.

"This is not the end," said Rep. Edolphus Towns (D-NY), chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, which held a hearing on the matter last Wednesday. "I don't want to sound stern, but there will be more questions. Definitely a whole lot more questions."

He narrowed his eyes considerably. "Stern or not, we are going to question this."

Rep. Bruce Braley (D-IA), vice chairman of the House Energy and Commerce investigations subcommittee, said this week's hearing was "seriously, just the beginning" of what could be "a lot of probing questions" into the electronic throttle system of Toyota's vehicles.

"Some people -- like myself -- have referred to me as a 'tough guy'," said Braley, "but if asking some questions of these insidious foreigners to make myself look better makes me a tough guy, then sure. I definitely am a tough guy."

Japan, which stopped whatever it was doing and watched the televised hearings, was largely supportive of Toyoda. Speaking through an EV interpreter, one average Japanese man said, "Toyota [sic] is better than all other cars. Japan is better than all other countries. America is stupid." He was most likely going to watch animated Japanese school girl porn.

"We'll handle them, don't worry," promised former Vice President Dick Cheney with a wink, speaking from his hospital bed. "We've got the bomb."

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