Dow Up 240 Points In Response To News That Dow Is Up 200 Points

Pictured: the Dow climbs because it climbed.

The Dow Jones Industrial average climbed up to a whopping 240 points Monday after the markets realized that the Dow was already approaching 200 points earlier in the day.

The S&P 500 also rose to close above 900, and the NASDAQ rose 3.1% in reaction to the positive news and not wanting to feel left out.

Sam O'Connor, financial analyst for the New York Times, says the news is encouraging, and demonstrates that people can still feel positive about the economy when they see big numbers.

"It's always a good sign when the Dow rises consistently, even in response to itself rising," said O'Connor. "Logically, the Dow should now use this positive feedback loop to continue growing exponentially, thus getting us out of this unbearable recession and setting us on a course for infinite stock market growth forever."

Market futures grew by over 4% on O'Connor's forecast of future growth.

Some analysts, however, warned not to break out the champagne just yet, cautioning Wall Street that even one piece of bad news -- such as someone on television saying "we are still in a recession" -- can send the Dow back into a depressed cycle of decline-failure-decline.

"What we have here is a history of vast mood swings and unpredictable behavior," said Eva Sorenson, a social psychologist from NYU, hired by the New York Stock Exchange to research a mysterious patient known to her only as D. Jones. "Given the data, even though I have never met Mr. Jones, I would prescribe him medical marijuana."

The new theory that external changes may also have the power to positively and negatively affect the stock market is encouraging some brokers to pay attention to other details besides the Dow's present trajectory. The key, many say, is to find exactly what makes the Dow rise in the first place, and then keep on doing that.

"You know, it seems like the market likes it when people buy houses," said one analyst at AIG. "Maybe there's some way we can make it so that anyone can get a mortgage, even if they may have a hard time affording it. I have a feeling this would give the stock market the shot in the arm it really needs."

Dowologists, a subset of the American population who worship the stock market as a deity, say there is no explaining the rhyme or reason behind it, although many have their own personal beliefs about what makes it rise and fall.

"Last week, Dow was sad...some heathens said it was because retail was down, but I think it was just Dow being disappointed at all the liberals," said architect and Dowologist Alan Benson. "Dow will grow when we all stop acting like socialists and using government intervention to make it grow."

Liberals did embrace the market's growth as a referendum on President Obama, though they were quick to add that should the market fall, it will be due to strife caused by conservatives.

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