Employee Expects Co-Workers Will Eventually Enjoy Free Jazz If Played Just Loud Enough To Reach Their Desks

Pictured: Brad "Bud" Dolton.

Local architect and jazz aficionado Brad "Bud" Dolton expressed hope that playing caustic free-form jazz and hard-bop on his computer at top volume would ultimately encourage co-workers to appreciate the esoteric genres.

Through constant and osmotic absorption of the largely inaccessible and unusual jazz modality, said Dolton, would those working within earshot of his cubicle finally be freed of their oppressive "mainstream" tendencies and into a more liberating musicality.

"Every day at about the same time, I start noticing people listening to trite, boring standards like [Queen's] 'We Will Rock You' or 'Another One Bites the Dust'," said Dolton. "That's when I start cranking up stuff like the late-era Coltrane stuff that lacks the pedantries of melody and coherency, knowing the unusual notes will just faintly touch the ears of my co-workers, causing them to think, 'Gosh! This is some neat stuff!'"

Dolton is also known for occasionally adding to the effect of his daily lessons by standing near the refrigerator and loudly saying, "Whoever's playing that crazy, interesting music every day has certainly got an ear for something good!"

"All I want is for the people I work with to open their minds," said the architect, who does not play an instrument but professes an appreciation for all kinds of music, especially atonal screeches and minimalist sonic experimentation. "Just think how much better our designs for the typical retirement home would be if everyone were listening to obscure Ornette Coleman outtakes, instead of Modest Mouse. It'd be an architectural revolution!"

Despite Dolton's deep appreciation for music lacking melody and rhythm, employees of Burger and Bronson Architects, Ltd. have yet to endorse the strange diapasons emanating from the aficionado's desk.

"I was trying to listen to [The Who's hit song] ' Won't Get Fooled Again', like I always do around 2:00 in the afternoon when I need a boost of good, solid rock 'n' roll," said IT specialist Andrew Jablonski, "but I kept coming over to Bud's cube to make sure that his hard drive wasn't exploding into a million pieces. That noise actually turned out to be the latest CD from some guy named 'Ken Vandamart', or something."

Even after Dolton explained that the album in question was "like, the greatest album" he had ever heard, Jablonski says he still couldn't help but think that the architect needed some IT assistance, or at least "some cheering up from a little bit of [Van Morrison's] 'Brown-Eyed Girl'."

When asked, most employees of BBA, Ltd. said that they so far haven't noticed any change -- conscious or subconscious -- in relation to their favorite music.

"Sure, I'll hear something from Bud's desk that sounds like a building falling down, like the World Trade Center," said senior architect David Rentergen, "but that's about the time that I'm just rocking out to whatever's on the 'David Lee Roth' Pandora station, so what do I care?"

Despite lacking any empirical evidence that his musical proselytizing has affected those around him, Dolton remains sure that everyone will one day spontaneously want to join him on his weekly trip to free jazz venue "Elastic" for the latest in Swedish-influenced free-form.

"Everyone in the office has heard me mention it a million times, and it's only a matter of time until they can't bear the stress of not knowing what is it that happens in that place," said Dolton. "I mean, it's so out there that you can't help but be affected by the artists who don't even play with usual scales, and instead make their saxophones and pianos sound like dying animals, or things that have no frame of reference in the mainstream. I'm sure it's only a matter of time."

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