Obama Proposes 'Obama Bobblehead Doll' Stimulus Package
President-elect Barack Obama, in light of recent resistance to his proposed infrastructure-rebuilding stimulus package, has offered an alternative temporary fix to the nation's current economic crisis: a short-term loan to ceramic-manufacturers for the production of Obama's likeness in popular bobblehead dolls.
The dolls, Obama spokesperson Nick Shapiro said, would be available for $19.99, and would be a short-term boost to the flagging American economy, until such a time in which lawmakers would agree to provide billions of dollars to overhaul the nation's infrastructure, or alternatively, agree to use the dolls themselves as infrastructure by crushing them up and using them to build roads and railways.
"Due to bi-partisan bickering and lack of Republican leadership, it seems that a radical stimulus package will be necessary to bridge the gap between the worsening economic disaster and full recovery," said Shapiro. "The effect of every American family purchasing one or more of these bobblehead dolls -- for less than $20, I might add -- may not be the answer we are looking for to draw us out of this dark time, but it will help put lots of people to work making the dolls. I mean, these things don't make themselves ... yet."
Shapiro added that this is "the kind of leadership and change that Obama will bring to America when he is inaugurated on January 20th."
The stimulus package hinges, aides and advisors admit, on the enthusiasm of the buying public, which could be further stoked by a future line of Incoming Administration Team bobbleheads, including Secretary of State Clinton, Chief Strategist Axelrod, and, for Republicans, Attorney General Fitzgerald dolls. Nevertheless, the incoming administration has stated confidence that the Obama dolls alone will provide a necessary boon to the retail, manufacturing and advertising industries.
"Oh my, will they be available Black Brutha AND Uncle Tom Obamas? Casual and formal?" asked Edna Grendel of Parma, OH. "I voted for McCain, but, just like the Bob's Big Boy dolls of the late 80s, I'd collect all of these for my grandkids, you bet. I wouldn't want them to miss out on a part of history, and I'll buy them all from 'inauguration-night' dolls to 'shirtless-in-Hawaii'."
The dismal sales recorded this holiday season would be an afterthought, according to Shapiro, once the adorable Obama likenesses hit the market. Analysts and opponents, however, fear that the effects of such a stimulus package may not be felt until well after the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, Valentine's Day or, worst case scenario, not even after the President's first 100 days in office.
"What happens if, after Obama's first 100 days in office are over and there is no peace in the Middle East, no victory in Iraq, no end to global warming and poverty still rampant?" asked Senator Christopher Bond (R, MO). "Then all that money is spent on a bobblehead to nowhere."
Bond, with support from fellow Republicans such as Lamar Alexander (R, TN), called for, "A more relevant and immediate stimulus package to get us out of this economic disaster, like a George W. Bush bobblehead package, for example."
While all lawmakers agree that something has to be done to turn around the flaccid economy, a concerted solution seems a distant possibility. However, with the Democratic majority in Congress, some analysts say that the Obama Bobblehead Stimulus Package may make it through the House and Senate in limited capacity for Senators and Lobbyists only. Should the dolls make a hit amongst pundits and their constituents, the dolls may then be sold to the general public.
"I think of the proud Obama supporters in Chicago who would happily display a whole team of Obamas [dolls] on their desk at work, on their mantle at home, or on the dashboard of their car," said Dick Durbin (D, IL). "I also think of our down-state voters who, with even more zeal, would buy up the dolls by the gross to be used as target practice or for objects of scorn."