Congressional Democrats Order 10,000 Games Of 'Clue' In Effort To Find One
Congressional Democrats, in response to what many call "thousands" of missed opportunities to capitalize on recent Republican blunders and who have been accused of not having a clue in years, have ordered 10,000 copies of the popular board game of the same name to try to find one.
"Personally, I think the solution to all our country's problems is Colonel Mustard in the attic," said Sen. Harry Reid, long known for his cluelessness.
"I'm going for the cousin with the golf club on the lawn," said Sen. Ted Kennedy, whose family has some experience in these matters.
"To me this whole thing is extremely silly," sniffed Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton. "I would much rather spend the night with Agatha Christie."
Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean has expressed displeasure at the whole idea. "What do we need a clue for anyway?" Dean growled. "We've lost the House, the Senate, and the presidency without having a clue so far, so why we should we get one now?'
Dean added in one of his characteristically pithy statements, "I always think you should stay the course with a sinking ship unless you decide to fish or cut bait, in which case you should swallow it hook, line and sinker."
Above: the Democrats in action as they go through all the clues.
Not relying completely on the board game, some of these same Democrats have busily tried to exploit the controversial ports issue, in which President Bush pretended to know that he didn't know that he knew that an Arab company will be gaining control of some of America's ports.
"You gotta have planks to make a platform," murmured Sen. Robert Byrd, endorsing adopting a Democratic platform based on planks, "and we make lots of planks in West Virginia."
Meanwhile, in an effort to get to the bottom of Dick Cheney's shooting of hunting buddy Harry Whittington, Sen. John Kerry has offered to go to the same Texas ranch and reenact the shooting. Vice President Cheney is reportedly giving the offer serious consideration, "So long as Kerry plays Whittington."
Kerry is reportedly eager to accept the offer, as he has no chin for the Vice President to shoot.
Others, however, like Sen. Dick "Deanna" Durbin, stuck to their guns and called for a Senate Resolution on the board game purchase.
"We need an open dialogue before we make a purchase of this magnitude," Durbin whined. "I'm a big fan of 'Uncle Wiggly' myself."
Concerned members of the public have volunteered to buy the "Clue" games and send them to their representatives for free.
"I just want them to have some Clue, any clue," moaned one despairing constituent.