Bush Unveils New 'Hey, I Just Work Here!' Campaign Slogan
Hoping to cash-in on his folksy appeal and deflect criticism for some of his latest policies and controversies, including allegations of Iraqi prisoner abuse, a flawed "No Child Left Behind" plan, and an increasingly-complicated war in Iraq, President Bush's campaign bus is now emblazoned with the new slogan, "Hey, I Just Work Here!"
Mr. Bush formally unveiled the new slogan at a rally in Akron, Ohio yesterday.
"The economy is in the dumpster, gas prices are at record highs, and our boys are getting picked off in Iraq like fish in a barrel... but hey, I just work here," said the President as he began his address, shrugging and giving the crowd a grin.
After a few minutes the assembled crowd caught on, waiting for the pauses after Mr. Bush stated each policy failure and chanting, "hey I just work here" in excited tones.
Campaign strategist Karl Rove explained the thinking behind the new tactic.
"We feel like we can cash in on the fact that the President is just a regular guy, doing the best he can with what God gave him," Rove said. "If we're really successful, people may even begin to see him as somewhat less capable than you or I."
Leading political scientists believe the President's new campaign strategy could be a big winner.
"Look, most Americans are working for one kind of failing company or another, either financially or ethically," said Prof. Robert Shapiro of Columbia University. "Now, they'll be able to see President Bush as an unlucky 'average working stiff' like themselves, who has to do what his incompetent and immoral superiors tell him to do."
In keeping with Shapiro's analysis, Bush led a stirring rally against "the man" at his Akron rally.
"I don't know about guys, but I am sick and damn tired of my idiot bosses ordering me around!" he shouted to the delight and excitement of the gathered crowd. "Thanks a lot for the shithole in Iraq, boys! But just remember..."
"...hey, I just work here!" the audience finished for him, cheering wildly.
In addition, a spokesman for AFL-CIO, America's largest organization of national and international labor unions, made the unprecedented announcement yesterday that they would support Bush in favor of a more traditionally-supported Democratic candidate, such as Howard Dean late last year.
"We need someone who really understands the plight of our workers, and President Bush clearly does," the spokesman said. "I now know that his push to get overtime pay eliminated wasn't his fault -- just his mean, selfish bosses trying to save a few company bucks."
Republicans, too, see the value in Bush's slogan.
"Bush is a good candidate because he's got the whole, 'Hey, I just work here!' attitude, which translates into, 'Somebody please tell me what the hell to do!' That's where upstanding guys like Karl Rove come in," popular Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly reasoned. "All we need is some jackass with a bunch of 'ideas' and 'thoughts' to come in to the White House and start making all kinds of crazy decisions."
O'Reilly later clarified that by "some jackass" he did not necessarily mean Democratic candidate John Kerry, who does not possess any ideas.
Seeing the success of the new slogan, the Bush campaign is also planning to try some other possibly winning slogans like "Nobody Saw Me Do It," and "I'll Be With You in a Minute."