History Instantly Vindicates Bush
Less than 24 hours after he officially left office, historians have uniformly embraced President George W. Bush as one of the best presidents the U.S. has ever seen, a sharp contrast to the prevailing view of Bush at the time he left office.
Bush has always maintained that many of the unpopular decisions he made during his tenure -- including, but not limited to: failing to react quickly to Hurricane Katrina; refusing to ratify the Kyoto Protocol; overseeing the opening of Guantanamo Bay and other secret prisons; enacting warrantless wiretapping of Americans; and eating pretzels unwisely -- would one day be reflected on positively.
That day, says historian Dr. Thad Thompson, has arrived.
"It's hard to explain, but now that several hours have passed since he left office, I can't help but feeling an intense love for Mr. Bush," Thompson said. "It's true what [80s glam rockers] Cinderella said: don't know what you got 'til it's gaaaawwwwn."
"And what we had," Thompson added, openly sobbing, "was pure genius."
With other historians openly embracing Bush, some analysts speculate that future presidents would do well to follow a similar philosophy in their leadership.
"He has shown that ignoring the elitist advice of so-called 'experts' is the best policy in the long run," explained Thompson. "Can you imagine what our country would look like right now if Mr. Bush had made more popular decisions? I know I certainly don't have an imagination that big."
To that end, incoming President Barack Obama, who enjoys an approval rating of around 80% as he enters office, has begun to receive a great deal of criticism for his popularity.
"I like Barack Obama...and that's exactly the problem," said Jennifer Polford, a political analyst. "My appreciation of his ideas and policies virtually guarantees that history will not look kindly on his presidency, which means bad news for us, eventually."
In response, a spokesperson from the Obama administration says the President intends to murder a baby seal every day until his approval ratings drop to appropriately low levels.
Meanwhile, Bush is now enjoying a surge of post-presidential popularity, with "We Miss U Mr. Bush! :(" and "1/20/09: The Day The Dream Died" quickly becoming the two most popular groups on the social networking site Facebook. The latter of the two groups even boasts Bush as a member, who recently left a mysterious comment simply saying, "What's up nerds."
Could Bush's newfound popularity mean that eventually, history will un-vindicate him, and once again treat him with contempt and disapproval? Only time will tell.
"It's possible that history's view of Mr. Bush will fluctuate depending on the whims of Internet contrarians, who will argue that the former President was horribly underrated and/or atrociously underqualified, depending on the prevailing view at the time," said Jennifer Polford. "It's this delicate balance that will determine whether or not he was a good president in the year 2050, or 2100."
When asked, former President Bush did not go into detail on his reaction to the news, but a knowing smile crept across his face.
"Did you know," he said, "that I get Secret Service detail for the rest of my life? That is pretty frickin' rad."
