Historians Discover That Slave Owners Once Lived In Current Obama Family Home
Black History Month is a time when Americans of all colors pause to consider the achievements and contributions of African Americans, but a shocking announcement today has disrupted the celebration: the revelation that President Obama and his family currently live in a house once occupied by slave owners.
Now, activists and supporters of President Obama are outraged at what's being called a "terrible oversight" by the nation's first black Commander-In-Chief.
"How could this have happened?" asked former Obama supporter Dean Taliski. "This flies in the face of the progress we made by electing the first black President, and makes me wonder if we've made any progress at all, what with Obama standing shoulder-to-shoulder with those slave masters."
Historians conclude that of the eleven former slave-owning residents of the White House, seven -- including the notorious pro-slavery Commander-In-Chief President Slaverton -- owned slaves during their stay. To those like Taliski and ACLU president Susan Herman, makes the President and his administration culpable in the "execrable commerce."
"President Obama now has slave blood on his hands," said Herman. "He should have done his research, and, upon learning that he would be living under the same roof as these cruel predecessors, chosen to live in a former stop on the Underground Railroad, or a shotgun shack if he really cared about the plight of the black American."
"Elitist," added Herman.
Rechristened by some as the "Obama Plantation" or "The House of Slaves", the administration has hurried to quell the fury stirred up by the disturbing past of the White House.
"There seems to be some misinformation floating around concerning this administration's position on slavery," said advisor David Axelrod, rubbing his temples. "So, please let the record show that the President remains solidly committed to not owning slaves of any kind."
The response has done little to quell the furor, however, and has left some wondering what other skeletons may reside in the White House closet; analysts suggest that Obama's sagging popularity may be worsened if Republican lawmakers can tie him to allegations of philandering, mismanagement, and corruption, all of which supposedly once took place at his address over the course of its history.
"The record of that place is almost a perfect reflection on the pathetic and fraudulent administration that occupies it right now," said Representative John Boehner (R-OH). "It's no wonder that the Obamas live there."
Boehner reminded reporters that former President George W. Bush spent most of his time on his ranch in Texas and on vacation at Camp David, which exempted him from the dark past of the foul seat of the Presidency.