Rush Limbaugh Fails Obama; Obama Thought He Had 'A Strong C'
Nationally syndicated talk show host Rush Limbaugh released his annual Presidential Grades on Monday, giving President Obama an outright "Fail" in what is being called a critical blow to his presidency.
"Limbaugh Presidential Grades (LPGs) are the most important grades a president gets," said Yale political scientist and author Dr. Matt Leslie. "In fact, depending on the LPG a president receives, it can actually affect his ability to veto or approve of legislation."
"[Obama's] performance as president has been horrendous," said Limbaugh in a statement. His comments were also mailed to President Obama in the form of an official Rush Limbaugh Presidential Report Card (RLPRC). "In every major category, including math and penmanship, he failed miserably."
"I am displeased in Mr. Hussein Obama's performance," continued Limbaugh, "as I had such high hopes for him. However, in the wake of his dismal failure, the only choice I have is to loudly oppose everything he does from now on."
Limbaugh, who has been grading presidents since 1793, gave former President Bush straight As for eight years.
When confronted over his LPG, Obama was obviously unnerved. "I thought for sure I had a strong C," said the President. "I'm ashamed. It's almost as if Mr. Limbaugh wanted me to fail, which I know he didn't. It just doesn't make sense."
The news came as a shock to most Americans. Most had anticipated a low LPG from Limbaugh, but none had anticipated outright failure.
"We had spoken to Obama's teacher - Rush Limbaugh - earlier in the semester, and we had thought there were improvements," said American voter Andrea Lyons. "But for him to fail every major category is absolutely unacceptable."
A president's LPG is so important that, in severe cases, failing can lead to an automatic reversal of the results of the general election.
"It has only happened once before in American history," said Leslie, "but President William Henry Harrison's election was reversed by the Limbaugh Grade. In 1841, after giving the longest inauguration speech in American history, Harrison's Grade fell from a B- to an F. The drop was so significant that it gave him pneumonia and killed him."
Indeed, in the wake of the announcement, 100 million Americans reversed their votes for Obama. In light of this, the Florida Supreme Count is considering giving the position back to George W. Bush, who could resume the presidency as early as Friday.
"This is the happiest day of my life," said Bush. "It just goes to show that cramming at the last minute and just trying to have a cool attitude about things really pays off in the grades that count...the grades of life."
"By which I mean, LPGs," he clarified.