Obama's Package 'Uncomfortably Large', Complain Some Republicans

Pictured: a shocked Republican.

Although it was just signed into law earlier today, some Republicans in Congress are already voicing concerns that President Obama's stimulus package may turn out to be even larger than previously anticipated.

Many Republicans, who have been vocally opposing the size of Obama's package since it was revealed, expressed "sincere worry" that a package so large may intimidate most Americans.

"Over the last eight years, the packages in Washington have ranged from average to slightly above average," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), "and no one was complaining about them before. Now, we have one of them [i.e., the Democrats] in the White House, and average suddenly isn't good enough. The whole thing feels like it's designed to make me feel bad and uncomfortable."

"We're being pounded by this huge package," added House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-VA) on the House floor, "but we're also letting our children be pounded as well, and that's just irresponsible."

Radio personality Rush Limbaugh, who recently announced that President Obama had outright "failed at life," has also condemned Obama's package.

"[The package] is the result of a liberal media wanting to see a black President succeed," said Limbaugh. "I warned you about the size of their [i.e., the Democrats'] packages before, and now we get to see how utterly enormous they truly are."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi rejected the Republicans' claims, arguing that a new era of black Presidents with huge packages penetrating the Beltway can only bring positive change.

"The American people support the package," she said, citing a recent Gallup poll in which 80% of American female economists believed that if anything, the package is "waaay too small." "More importantly, the lobbyists support the package."

With financial structures failing, deterioration of the war in Afghanistan, the foreclosure crisis and something that happened with mortgage-backed securities, "an enormous package is needed", said Pelosi, "to rock the whole world."

"In the past, people may have said that the size of the package does not matter, but I think the American people are tired of the small [domestic] packages of the Bush administration. It may feel too large at first, but by the end of this long night that we're headed in to, the American people will be screaming for more."

"It's about time we had a President with balls," Pelosi concluded.

"What we're seeing here is a trend away from the Bush administration," said Harvard sociologist Grace Rouse. "With [George] Bush and Dick [Cheney], the focus was on waving a big stick internationally, which obviously backfired. President Obama, on the other hand, came to office intent on delivering a domestic package that's practically throbbing with the need to get some much-needed economic friction on."

For all the talk about his package, President Obama remained stern and resolute when signing the bill, although he did briefly smile and blush when he pulled it out.

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