Obama Plans To Simplify Health Care Reform By Allowing Yahoo! Answers To Explain It
With Congress unable to deliver a health care reform bill thus far, the Obama administration has announced plans to relinquish control of the legislative process to Yahoo! Answers, a popular online service where terrible questions are answered by people who don't know anything.
"The President is confident that the American people can come together to share their knowledge and have a nice dialogue," said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, giving the press several minutes to stop laughing.
The new strategy comes in the wake of reports suggesting some Americans are growing wary of reform. Administration officials believe this is due to the large amount of misinformation about the proposed changes, such as the belief that a new government-run health plan will transport American citizens backwards in time to Nazi Germany.
Although Obama will select the best questions and answers and read them aloud at a special slumber party session of Congress, officials say he will still abstain from giving a plan of his own, trusting the power of Yahoo! Answers to hash out the important details.
"We witnessed one very thoughtful question concerning what happens to one's MySpace after one dies," explained Gibbs, "and that's when we realized this was a great way to really harness the natural curiosity and intellect of the average American."
Other questions on the popular service include:
- Broken ankle ples help !!!!!!?
- What race is my friend, if her last name is ching?
- Come on African Americans, I don't hate you guys!___?
- Is the vagina or whatever girls pee out of in the same place as a boys penus?
- if texas secede's from the union would it form a southern confederacy whith other state's?
- My Boyfriend Has Skin Cancer?
Some experts have pointed out that many Americans have already been using Yahoo! Answers to discuss health care reform, and the results have been mixed.
"On the one hand, I think it's great that some of these people have evidently learned how to use a computer keyboard, presumably with their own hands, or possibly the hands of a trusted helper," said Jean Polmer, analyst at the Heritage Foundation. "But I'm just not sure how much questions like 'Is most of the opposition to Obama’s healthcare reform coming from Christians?' are really helping the debate."
Polmer also pointed out that many Americans had their say at various town hall meetings across the country, some of which devolved into shouting and feces-flinging. But Gibbs says that's irrelevant.
"Those weren't real," he scoffed. "They couldn't have been. Nobody actually acts like that. You were probably watching a movie and got confused."
Analysts speculate that Yahoo! Answers will eventually produce a health care reform bill that declares any form of insurance unconstitutional while simultaneously making it illegal for anyone to not have insurance. There will be no public option, although there will be a stipulation recognizing that you definitely can get pregnant from oral sex, I heard that once.
In a recent interview on CBS' Face The Nation, President Obama said that even if health care reform ends up taking an unexpected, insane direction, he'll be pleased with the spirit and sticktoitiveness on display.
"I'm so glad that America can talk," he beamed. "What a wonderful nation."