Opposition To Obama Climbs As More People Realize He Is Black
Opposition to President Obama's plan for the nation has been increasing over the last few months, and the President's critics are unanimous in their reason for discontent: they are all "shocked and disappointed at [Obama's] négritude."
Although virtually all Presidents see a drop in their approval ratings as election enthusiasm wanes, Obama's African-American nature makes his decline uniquely racist.
"The President's healthcare plan is nothing short of a Negro rebellion against us Americans," said Senator Joe Wilson (R-SC), "and it's time we put these boys back where they belong -- the slave house."
Obama's harshest critics have united behind a banner of white supremacy and racial hatred, causes that have largely remained dormant in the United States since the landmark West Virginia Supreme Court decision, Strauder v. West Virginia, in 1880. This ruling banned racism from the country -- until now.
"It has been a long time since race has so openly dominated political conversation, and it's refreshing to see the country once again united in its hate of a minority," said Harvard sociologist Dr. LeBron Games. "People on both the right and left are feeling angry and disillusioned that Obama's blackness has caused him to abandon some of his campaign promises."
Said Lillian Waters, an Obama voter, "Can somebody please explain to me what the hell it is about Negroes that causes them to want to escalate wars in Afghanistan? I used to support this guy, but now I see him for what he truly is: an angry black man who wants to send my white children off to die."
Even one of the president's closest allies, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, has said that Obama's race makes him uncomfortable, and a little chubby.
"Honestly, I have no problem with them," he said during an off-the-record interview with CNBC, "but working under one and taking orders from him -- it can be a little unnerving. I'm not a racist, but it's just not the natural way of things."
At a recent rally, the President had an opportunity to address some of his critics, but he reassured the crowd that he doesn't believe they're actually racist, and that they even have some good points about how terrible he is.
"Some people have disagreements with some of my decisions," Obama said, "but those concerns are not because of my race. They're because they're just plain bad decisions. Let's all keep working together."
Former President Jimmy Carter, whose presidency has been hailed as "a presidency" by historians, has condemned the President for his remarks.
"There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president," said Carter at a town hall meeting of his own. "I don't know why this idiot Negro president can't see that...can't see how they all seethe at the notion that he is the most powerful person in the world. It irks me to my core."
Not all racists, however, have opposed Obama. In fact, New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd said that she openly supports President Obama specifically because of his race.
"I guess you could say I'm a racist," she wrote in the New York Times on Wednesday, "but the good kind of racist. Look how athletic [Obama] is. I bet he's also got a huge penis. That Michelle is one lucky Nubian queen."
"I'm definitely a racist, but I wouldn't say that I oppose President Obama," explained radio personality Glenn Beck. "I merely like to point out that he is a motherfucking flying socialist griffin who wants to force me to eat my own fucking mother."