'Sniper Hole' No Longer Option On Chevy Autos

Chevrolet, a division of General Motors, announced last week that they will no longer offer their popular "sniper hole" option for their 2003 line of cars and SUVs.

The sniper hole is a circle, roughly one inch in diameter, cut into the trunk of the automobile. Although originally designed for hunting and assassinating heads of state, the sniper hole has become infamous in light of the "gas station" murders that took place just a few short weeks ago.

"Back in '89, which coincidentally was the first year we [Chevrolet] offered them as a standard option," remembers Donald Horson, chief engineer and designer of the gun holes, "we designed them because we were losing the Southern market to Ford. We needed something to fight back, and the holes were the answer."

They were an answer indeed; apparently, the right one. Three months after the release of the automobiles with the sniper option, Chevy saw a 50% increase in sales to the Southern states, as well as becoming the number one supplier of vehicles to the CIA.

"Yes, those were our 'salad days', so to speak," stated Chevrolet vice-president of sales Cheryl King. "We were selling more cars than we ever had before, and making more money than any of us thought possible."

On top of a boost in sales, the company received an award from the NRA in 1989 for the "Best Gun Accessory". For 12 more years, cars equipped with the holes sold at a more than steady rate in the South, as well as the rest of the country.

However, because sniper suspect John Allen Muhammad had the sniper hole installed on his 1989 Chevy Caprice, and decided to use it for acts of heinous violence rather than what it was intended, Chevy had no choice but to remove it from the market.

"We felt that discontinuing the holes was the best thing to do for the American people," King told us."The last thing we want is for something else like this to happen, or for anyone to hold us responsible."

Despite what has been deemed the right path of action, many feel that Chevy has made a mistake.

"The sniper holes are still a hot item for those who want to do their assassinating or hunting in a stylish Chevrolet," says Robert Galt, salesman at Prichett Chevrolet. "People are sad to see them go."

"Angry" is a better word for the disposition of many of the hunters who feel they are being "unjustly" punished for Muhammad's actions.

"I don't see why we should all be punished because one person had to start killing people," exclaimed Hank Rivel, a farmer who hunts in his spare time.

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