Man's Real Life Not Nearly As Exciting As Internet Life
SugarMan21, known in the physical realm as Richard Stamps, has lead a life of pleasure, debauchery, and overall experience online, where he recounts his adventures in exciting posts on messageboards and blogs.
Offline, however, Stamps is a different man.
"Tonight I had to spray my cat with water for jumping on top of my TV," he said with a wan smile. "That's pretty out of the ordinary, since she usually doesn't do that. In fact, I'd say that it's probably the most memorable thing that's happened to me this week."
Stamps then excused himself to chime in to a messageboard topic about past drug use, where he told of his experiences with acid combined with ecstasy "just tonight".
"Yeah, I'm still kind of tripping," he typed offhandedly, "but whatever. It's not like I didn't do this every other night this week. It's almost like the same old stuff at this point, honestly. My life is almost boring now."
Although the office in which Stamps works has a strict anti-drug policy, that doesn't stop him from going to work under the influence of imaginary marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, and a "Mexican" drug he calls "mesh" and posting about them online.
"The trick is not to get too involved on the internet, or you start to get behind in your work," he said. "I have to put as many files detailing the contents of insurance claims into their proper places as I possibly can, so usually I can only talk for a little while in between placements. "
Still, Stamps says his occasional breaks are worth the potential demerits he might incur from a boss if he were found out.
"You have to post often, because the Internet moves so fast that you can be left behind before you know it," he explained, "and suddenly you've lost your notoriety and your fame, and everything else that makes you important that you've worked so hard to get. And even when I'm dead and gone, the Internet will still be around, and the people of the future will still be reading about my incredible stories."
Stamps has over 6,990 friends on his MySpace page alone, so "keeping up" with the Internet is important to him. It's almost, he reflects, like a second job.
"I really consider my day kind of like a 9-to-11 day, instead of 9-to-5," he said. "9 to 5 is my regular job with occasional Internet work, and then 5 to 11 is my Internet time. I'm working on getting a small TV next to my computer so I can relax a little bit while I'm doing it."
The work may require taxing hours, but Stamps, whose MySpace page contains a sound clip of the Geto Boys' classic "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta", says that it's worth it.
"Frankly, I'm surprised more people aren't doing what I do," he said. "It's a great way to more or less experience something without actually having to."
But Stamps' enthusiasm for the Internet rubs some the wrong way, like his older brother, Steve, who says there may be something wrong with his sibling.
"That kid was never right in the head, and now he spends all his damn days on the Internet," said the elder Stamps spitefully. "He ought to try a page from my life sometime: coming home from work and sitting in front of the TV -- not the damn computer -- with a nice beer and a Tivo'ed football game. The life he's leading now is just sad."
"Eric is a nice boy, but he should really get a hobby," said his mother fretfully. "Well, I guess you could say he already has one, but I mean, a hobby that I like."
Stamps says that he may one day become interested in something else, but for now, this is how he likes to spend his time.
"I do think that someday I may meet a tragic end online, like an overdose or something, but I'll have to read up on it a little more first for accuracy," he said.