White-Jerseyed Team Trumps Dark-Jerseyed Team In Racist Super Bowl Upset

The white-clad Indianapolis Colts emerged victorious over the practically black-uniformed Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI, representing a devastating blow to those who had hoped that the NFL had finally embraced racial equality once and for all.

Sam Whitson, president of the Coalition of Guilty White People (CGWP), said in a statement after the game that he was "deeply saddened" by the loss.

"It's unbelievable to me that after decades of slow but steady progress of organizations like mine making efforts to feel better about what black people went through, something like this could happen," he said. "This is an absolute disgrace to caring white people like myself, who really wanted to see the brothers take this one home for themselves."

Ideally, said Whitson, the Super Bowl should have involved either two black-jerseyed teams, or two teams of a non-offensive color, such as blue or gold. But to have a team in white not only challenge, but defeat a black-jerseyed squad in the penultimate game is "like seeing 'separate but equal' all over again."

Democratic Senator and presidential hopeful Joe Biden agreed.

"I think I can speak for all of the black people everywhere who can't properly when I say that this is an outrage," he said. "It was perhaps inevitable that the team in white would win, which is why they should have done the honorable thing and let the boys in black have one for once."

Much had been made of the fact that XLI was the first Super Bowl to feature two black coaches opposing each other, including commercials from Coca-Cola during the Super Bowl highlighting the fact. Now, says a spokesman for Coca-Cola, the entire message has been undermined.

"We went out of our way to point out that our company cares deeply about Afro-Americans, but judging by the outcome of the game, it looks like our society still has a long way to go," said the company. "We can only hope that dark folk retain the positive messaging that we were striving to send throughout the Super Bowl, which is that we know all of the good things you people have done for our society. And throughout that whole time, Coke was there, ready for you to drink."

In the absence of the actual Vince Lombardi trophy, which by the book must go to the white Colts, it has been suggested by the CGWP and others that the black Bears receive a trophy of their own, called the "Black Entertainment Trophy", or BET. This, says Whitson, would "at least go a little ways" towards bridging the racial divide.

"Black people are just as good as us," he said firmly, "and by giving them their very own trophy, we can show them that we're fair sports."

For their part, most African-Americans interviewed showed little interest in the issue, and some even appeared confused, saying that the Bears jerseys are actually a dark shade of blue. A few, however, spoke their opinions on the matter.

"This is just part one of what I see as a 406 part series that involves me getting my reparations [for slavery and oppression endured by other black people]," said one man. "I want my own Super Bowl trophy, and my own plane."

"Oh, yes," sobbed Whitson when he heard the request. "Please, I'd love for you to take those. You can even take mine as long as you don't hurt me."

Other white citizens chose to view the Super Bowl results in a more positive light.

The ACLU, in a written statement from president Nadine Strossen, thanked Tony Dungy, the second African-American to earn a Super Bowl berth, for his work combating the residual effects of slavery by having selflessly lead his team to the Super Bowl for the first time in the history of Indianapolis.

"The Colts victory via an African-American coach is the last word in the civil rights battle, and there is no more problem," she said happily. "Centuries of slavery and brutal prejudice against black Americans were erased in four 15 minute quarters."

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