After Ravaging Samoa, Tsunami Gets Ass Kicked By Pittsburgh Steeler Troy Polamalu
The South Pacific's most recent tsunami, named "The Tsunami" in honor of The Tsunami of 2004, inundated tourist resorts and local villages Tuesday morning after a massive 8.0-magnitude earthquake struck off the coast of Samoa. The Tsunami caused millions of dollars of damage and killed at least 99 Samoans, leaving hundreds more without homes. Enraged, Pittsburgh Steelers strong safety Troy Polamalu came to Samoa just hours later, and kicked The Tsunami's ass.
The professional football player, best known for his soft-spoken ways and vicious, merciless Samoan ancestry, broke free from tacklers in Los Angeles International Airport and ran across the Pacific Ocean at top speed, witnesses say.
The Tsunami, which was celebrating its victory over Samoa before the whistle officially signaled the play was dead, had its watery back turned to Polamalu as he passed the Apolima Strait and blazed across the islands Manono Island, Apolima and Nu'ulopa at subsonic speeds.
Polamalu hit The Tsunami at full speed, giving himself a severe concussion and fracturing four ribs while simultaneously breaking the back and pelvis of The Tsunami. With his usual reckless abandon, Polamalu subsequently recovered the fumbled homes of thousands of Samoans and returned them -- despite the concussion and rib fractures.
"I've never seen anything like it," said one witness, his eyes glazed. "It was beautiful and violent."
Another viewer said that the hit was reminiscent of Polamalu's tackle of Kansas State University (KSU) punt returner Aaron Lockett during the 2001 game between Polamalu's alma mater, the University of Southern California, and KSU.
"When he hit Lockett on that punt return," said Manu'upoa Malikimaka, a typical Samoan, "we all thought [Lockett] was dead. It was exactly like that."
Some critics of The Tsunami also questioned the timing of Polamalu's tackle -- which generated shockwaves large enough to shatter windows and cause temporary blindness -- and say that local governments did not allow enough time to alert citizens of the mighty player's approach. Officials defended their call, however.
"I don't think the [warning] whistles were blown too late," said Bob McMullan, Parliamentary Secretary for International Development Assistance in Australia, though he later said he would review the government's call after seeing a red challenge flag thrown by the United Nations.
Despite Polamalu's efforts, the Steelers lost to The Tsunami, bringing their record to 1-3. Next week, they will face an uphill battle against the upstart Chargers (2-1), and are looking to prove they are still the Super Bowl Champs. The game will air on ESPN.